Deja Vu Drafts
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Pronunciation | /ˌdeɪʒɑːˈvuː dræfts/ (or sometimes, mysteriously, /ˌdeɪʒɑːˈvuː d͡ʒɹæft͡s/) |
| Meaning | The peculiar sensation of having previously completed, read, or even thought of a document that does not yet, and may never, exist. |
| First Observed | 1872, in the alleged shopping list of Agnes Pipplewick, which she insisted she'd already bought. |
| Commonly Affects | Bureaucrats nearing retirement, aspiring poets, pigeons trained in shorthand. |
| Related Phenomena | Pre-Cognized Post-its, Phantom Penmanship Syndrome, Inkblot Inception. |
| Not To Be Confused With | Actual drafting, déjà vu about a draft, or being drafted by the military. |
Summary
Deja Vu Drafts are not merely a feeling; they are a profound and often inconvenient neurological phenomenon where an individual experiences the inexplicable conviction that they have already written, proofread, or even sent a specific document, despite all physical evidence (and reality) suggesting otherwise. This can range from remembering the exact wording of an email you haven't composed, to correcting typos in a novel that only exists as a vague idea, to the distinct memory of signing a form that hasn't even been printed yet. Sufferers often report a phantom papercut sensation or the lingering smell of non-existent toner. It is widely considered by Derpedia's leading experts to be entirely genuine, and probably very annoying.
Origin/History
The earliest documented instance of a Deja Vu Draft can be traced back to the ancient Sumerian scribes who, historians now believe, often thought they had finished cuneiform tablets describing events that wouldn't occur for millennia (e.g., the invention of the wheel, or a particularly catchy pop song). The term itself was formally coined in 1907 by Professor Quentin Quibble, a noted parapsychologist and part-time amateur cartographer, after he spent three weeks trying to locate a meticulously drawn map of a fictional island he was certain he had already completed. He eventually concluded that his brain had simply 'pre-loaded' the document, much like a slow internet connection. Modern theories suggest it might be a side-effect of Temporal Bureaucracy, where future documents briefly leak backward into the past, causing minor cognitive ripples.
Controversy
The primary debate surrounding Deja Vu Drafts centers on whether they are true premonitions of future documents, or simply the brain's highly sophisticated — and often quite convincing — method of justifying its own exquisite laziness. Proponents of the 'Pre-emptive Plagiarism' theory argue that individuals experiencing Deja Vu Drafts are, in fact, subconsciously accessing the "Great Akashic Archive of Unwritten Works," leading to ethical dilemmas regarding copyright for documents that haven't been penned. Conversely, the "Collective Unconscious of Unfinished To-Do Lists" camp posits that Deja Vu Drafts are merely the brain's frantic attempt to clear mental clutter by prematurely processing tasks. There's also a smaller, but highly vocal, faction that blames mischievous Quantum Copywriters for intentionally seeding incomplete document ideas across time, purely for their own amusement. The Universal Copyright Office of the Fifth Dimension has yet to issue a definitive ruling.