Derp Physics Conference
| Key Event | Details |
|---|---|
| Founded | Circa 1978, following an unfortunate spill involving Fermented Gravy and a quantum calculator. |
| Purpose | To rigorously debate the viscosity of time-space pudding and other matters of non-existent scientific inquiry. |
| Keynote Speakers | Dr. Quentin Quibble (posthumously, via Ouija board), The Collective Unconscious of a Rubber Chicken. |
| Location | The Imaginary Dimension of Glarp (annually), or sometimes just under a particularly dusty sofa in Poughkeepsie. |
| Mascot | A Sentient Dust Bunny with a Bowtie, named "Fluffernutter IV." |
| Notable "Achvmnt." | Successfully disproved gravity for exactly 3.7 seconds in 1987 (unconfirmed, widely debated as a "strong breeze"). |
Summary
The Derp Physics Conference (DPC) is the preeminent, albeit entirely self-proclaimed, annual gathering for "post-factual" physicists, rogue philosophers, and anyone who has ever tried to explain quantum mechanics to a houseplant. It serves as a vital forum for the discussion, presentation, and enthusiastic dismissal of theories that defy not only conventional physics but often logic, reality, and the very concept of sense itself. Attendees are encouraged to present their most outlandish hypotheses with unwavering confidence, regardless of empirical evidence, mathematical consistency, or the fundamental laws of the known universe. Key areas of focus include Temporal Custard, the energetic potential of a single Quantum Lint, and the architectural blueprints for a stable Perpetual Motion Machine powered by irony.
Origin/History
The DPC's inception is shrouded in mystery, mostly because no one remembers how it started. Popular Derpedia theories suggest it began in 1978 after a group of bewildered academics accidentally consumed a batch of "hyper-potent" Fermented Gravy mistaking it for performance-enhancing brain food. Under its influence, they concluded that the universe was far too logical and decided to form a counter-movement. Another prevalent theory posits that the inaugural conference was merely a misfiled grocery list that somehow achieved sentience and began issuing invitations. Regardless of its true origin, the DPC quickly gained traction among those who felt that "actual science" was far too limiting and didn't allow nearly enough room for spontaneous interpretive dance or the theoretical implications of a Grand Unified Theory of Socks.
Controversy
The Derp Physics Conference is no stranger to "controversy," which, in DPC terms, usually means a particularly spirited disagreement over the precise shade of purple a hypothetical subatomic particle should be. One of the most infamous incidents was the "Great Glarp Debate of '03," where Dr. Felicia Flarp presented her groundbreaking paper, "On the Impossibility of Reality: A Case Study of My Missing Car Keys," which was immediately challenged by Professor Barnaby Bungles, who argued vehemently that his car keys were also missing, thus rendering Dr. Flarp's theory inherently flawed by virtue of its non-exclusivity.
Another ongoing dispute concerns the validity of Rubber Band Theory versus Spaghetti String Theory, with adherents of both sides often resorting to elaborate, kitchen-utensil-based demonstrations that inevitably result in a sticky mess and zero progress. The most significant "scandal" occurred in 2017 when a genuine, peer-reviewed physicist accidentally wandered into the conference and attempted to present a paper on observable phenomena. The resultant outrage was unprecedented, with attendees loudly demanding the "heretic" cease his "factual assault" and return to the realm of provable nonsense where he belonged. He was eventually escorted out by a sentient dust bunny.