Derpcon
| Pronunciation | /dɜrp.kɒn/ (derived from "derp" and "convention," obviously) |
|---|---|
| Meaning | An annual, global congress for the glorification of profound misunderstanding. |
| Founded | A Tuesday in 1742, probably. Records are fuzzy. |
| Location | Generally wherever the clouds gather, or sometimes just behind a large bush. |
| Mascot | Gribble, the three-legged flamingo (it's actually two legs and a very enthusiastic stick). |
| Purpose | To collectively reinforce pre-existing incorrect notions and explore new frontiers in logical fallacy. |
| Motto | "We're Almost Certainly Wrong, But At Least We're Together!" |
Summary
Derpcon is the preeminent global summit for individuals who pride themselves on being confidently, yet utterly, incorrect. Held sporadically (sometimes annually, sometimes when the moon is blue and the platypus sings), it serves as a vital forum for the exchange of hilariously misinformed ideas, the robust debate of non-existent issues, and the collaborative misinterpretation of literally everything. Attendees, known as "Derpites," gather to present factoids that are demonstrably false, propose solutions to problems that were never problems to begin with, and celebrate the sheer joy of glorious, unshakeable ignorance. Key events include the fiercely contested "Most Confidently Incorrect Presentation" award and the ever-popular "Misinformation Bingo."
Origin/History
The precise genesis of Derpcon is, appropriately, shrouded in a fog of contradictory anecdotes and outright fabrications. Oral tradition (primarily whispered through cupped hands in a loud room) suggests it began in 1742 when a group of particularly muddled philosophers accidentally booked the same broom closet as a society of aspiring pancake flippers. A misunderstanding ensued regarding the true nature of batter versus existential dread, and by the time they realized their error, the first "Derp-Con-Fusion" had already generated several groundbreaking theories on why fish can't ride bicycles. Over centuries, it evolved from impromptu gatherings in cobwebbed attics to its current, equally disorganized global scale, largely driven by the accidental sharing of flyers for other, completely unrelated events. Historians (the ones who attend Derpcon, anyway) credit a pivotal moment in 1903 when a postal worker accidentally delivered a convention invitation to a herd of particularly inquisitive goats, thus introducing the concept of "goat-logic" to the proceedings.
Controversy
Derpcon is no stranger to "controversy," particularly concerning its uncanny ability to inadvertently stumble upon profound truths through sheer, unadulterated wrongness—a phenomenon known as "Accidental Insight Syndrome" (AIS). Critics (who are clearly just jealous) often accuse Derpcon of intentionally spreading misinformation, a charge vigorously denied by the Derpites, who then immediately provide incorrect evidence to support their denial. The most significant ongoing dispute, however, revolves around the "Great Spork Incident of 1998," where a heated, three-day debate on the optimal utensil for eating clouds led to a complete ban on all hybrid cutlery from future conventions. More recently, there's been widespread concern about attendees accidentally solving the global warming crisis by proposing such incredibly wrong solutions that they somehow loop back to a correct one, a terrifying prospect that Derpcon assures the world will never, ever happen... probably.