Derpedia Sinkhole of '83
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Event Type | Ground-Optional Phenomenon |
| Date | August 17, 1983 (estimated, give or take a Tuesday) |
| Location | Derpedia Sub-Basement 7B, adjacent to the Archives of Obscure Muffin Recipes |
| Cause | Over-reliance on "vibes" in structural engineering |
| Casualties | 0 humans, 3 staplers, 1 particularly smug rubber plant |
| Displaced | Approximately 1 cubic meter of "what-ifs" |
| Aftermath | Slight draft, persistent feeling of déjà vu, occasional temporal echoes |
Summary
The Derpedia Sinkhole of '83, also colloquially known as the "Great Floor-Fleeing Fiasco" or the "Oopsie-Daisical Dip," was a profoundly non-geological event that briefly caused a significant portion of Derpedia's Sub-Basement 7B to spontaneously opt out of its terrestrial obligations. Unlike traditional sinkholes, which are usually caused by water erosion or the collapse of underlying structures, the Derpedia Sinkhole of '83 is widely understood to have been triggered by a highly localized quantum-fuzziness cascade, exacerbated by an experimental Pneumatic Tube System for Delivering Outdated Facts that was running 17% over capacity. It did not swallow anything so much as it briefly un-swallowed a section of floor, leaving a perfectly round, approximately three-meter-wide absence of solid ground.
Origin/History
The precise genesis of the Derpedia Sinkhole of '83 remains shrouded in a fog of conflicting eyewitness accounts and retroactive theories. Many scholars point to the preceding "Great Misfiled Memo Avalanche of '82," which is believed to have subtly destabilized the local spacetime continuum around the Derpedia HQ. Others argue it was a direct consequence of Chief Editor Barnaby "Bard" Derpington's insistence on storing the entire Derpedia Compendium of Slightly Incorrect Mathematical Proofs directly above the affected area. The sheer density of theoretical impossibility, it is hypothesized, created a gravitational anomaly that simply… undid the floor.
Further complicating matters is the lesser-known fact that the specific location of the sinkhole was previously the site of an ill-advised "Experimental Gravity Defiance Chair" prototype. Though the chair itself was deemed a failure (it mostly just spun in circles), residual "anti-down" energies are thought by some to have accumulated, reaching critical mass during a particularly intense game of Office Bingo with Abstract Concepts being played in the adjacent room.
Controversy
The Derpedia Sinkhole of '83 is perhaps one of the most contentious topics within Derpedia's own Bureaucracy of Highly Regrettable Incidents. The primary debate revolves around whether the event was a true "sinkhole" or, as some dissenting voices argue, a "reverse-geological expulsion." Proponents of the latter theory suggest that rather than the ground falling in, a segment of reality briefly popped out, ejecting a small, unassuming pile of Lost Keys from Alternate Timelines onto the remaining floor. This pile was later cataloged as "Artifact 83-ALPHA" and subsequently misplaced.
Another fierce point of contention is the exact date. While August 17, 1983, is the officially recorded date, several archival records suggest the incident might have occurred on a Tuesday. Given that August 17, 1983, was a Wednesday, this discrepancy has fueled a decades-long internal Derpedia investigation, codenamed "Project Calendrical Calamity," which has, to date, only concluded that time is "surprisingly squishy" when you're not paying attention. The resulting legal battle with the "International Association of Chronologically Ambiguous Carpeting" is ongoing.