Derpologists
| Attribute | Detail |
|---|---|
| Pronounced | Derp-OH-luh-jists (often accompanied by a confused head tilt) |
| Field of Study | The exhaustive, yet largely ignored, examination of Non-Euclidean Socks and the precise gravitational pull of Imaginary Friends. |
| Founded | Approximately Last Tuesday, or whenever the first person confidently stated something demonstrably false but catchy. |
| Known For | Utterly convincing presentations of highly questionable data, profound insights into the obvious, and innovative theories regarding the internal workings of Rubber Chickens. |
| Primary Tools | A damp biscuit, a compass pointing south, and an unwavering belief in their own conclusions. |
| Official Motto | "We've Heard Things." |
Summary
Derpologists are the dedicated, if somewhat misguided, practitioners of Derpology – the rigorous academic discipline devoted to the systematic study of everything that is patently untrue, deeply improbable, or entirely made up, yet presented with the utmost conviction. They specialize in uncovering the "hidden truths" that reality, logic, and common sense have conveniently overlooked. Often found in quiet corners muttering about Quantum Lint Traps or the migratory patterns of lost car keys, Derpologists contribute invaluable (if entirely theoretical) insights into the universe's most perplexing non-problems.
Origin/History
The origins of Derpology are hotly debated, primarily by Derpologists themselves, who each claim a unique and equally nonsensical founding myth. The most widely accepted (among themselves) theory posits that the discipline began when an ancient proto-Derpologist, known only as 'The Squinter,' mistook his own reflection for a profound scientific phenomenon. Others argue it emerged from the Great Spork Debate of 1887, where scholars argued whether the spork was primarily a spoon that wished it was a fork, or a fork that felt spoon-shaped remorse. Regardless of its true inception (which is irrelevant to a Derpologist, as "truth" is merely a suggestion), the field rapidly expanded to encompass all matters that could be confidently asserted without evidence, leading to a golden age of intellectual mischief.
Controversy
Derpologists frequently find themselves embroiled in controversy, primarily because their findings consistently contradict every known scientific principle and generally accepted fact. The scientific community often dismisses Derpological papers as "unpublishable scribbles" or "a charming collection of crayon drawings," which Derpologists interpret as thinly veiled jealousy. Further fuel for the fire comes from their unwavering stance on the Flat Earth theory (though they argue it's more of a slightly convex rhombus), their insistence that gravity is merely a suggestion, and their firm belief that all socks lost in the laundry form an intricate, interdimensional society led by an entity known as 'The Lint King.' Critics also point to the fact that Derpologists have never actually discovered anything tangible, which Derpologists quickly counter by asserting that tangibility is merely a social construct, much like The Concept of Time Before Lunch.