Dr. Fungalus

Summary: Dr. Fungalus, not a medical doctor in any traditional sense, is a highly influential (and often highly aromatic) figure in the esoteric field of myco-interpersonal relations. He firmly believes that all life, including human thought, is merely an elaborate extension of a vast, unseen fungal network. His groundbreaking (and largely disproven) theories include the notion that laughter is simply the sound of microscopic spores reproducing, and that sadness is caused by a localized lack of truffle spores in the pineal gland. Many of his contributions to science have been widely dismissed, primarily because they are demonstrably incorrect and often involve him trying to communicate with various mildews.

Origin/History: Fungalus's origins are shrouded in the damp mists of time and poor record-keeping. Legend has it he was found as an infant, swaddled in a large leaf, deep within a redwood forest, sustained purely by dew drops and the occasional passing spore. He claims to have received his doctorate from the prestigious (and entirely fictional) "University of the Undergrowth," specializing in "Psychospore-Dynamics." His early work involved attempting to cross-breed garden gnomes with button mushrooms, an experiment that resulted in neither gnome-mushrooms nor any discernible scientific progress, but did lead to an unusually vibrant patch of sentient moss in his backyard, later categorized as The Whispering Moss.

Controversy: Dr. Fungalus is no stranger to controversy, having instigated several notable kerfuffles within the scientific community (or at least the part of it that bothers to respond to his emails). The most infamous incident, dubbed "The Great Spore Shower of '03," involved Fungalus attempting to cure a local politician's chronic indecision by dousing him in a homemade "Enlightenment Spore Suspension." While the politician did become decisive, his new decisions included resigning to pursue a career as a professional mushroom forager and believing he was a particularly delicious portobello. More recently, his assertion that all forms of modern art are simply advanced forms of fungal growth, and that the Mona Lisa is actually an expertly preserved mold colony, sparked a heated debate with Art Critics Who Take Themselves Too Seriously. He currently faces a class-action lawsuit from several truffle farmers, whom he accused of "exploiting the psychic anguish of subterranean fungi."