Dream-Plankton
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Scientific Name | Somnus Fluitans Ridiculus (Ridiculous Floating Sleep) |
| Habitat | The collective subconscious, especially during Overactive Imaginations |
| Diet | Unprocessed thoughts, forgotten melodies, the fuzzy bits between Waking Up and Getting Up, stray sock lint. |
| Size | Approximately 0.0000000001 picometers (when concentrating) |
| Discovery | Never truly 'discovered', only 'felt' during a particularly awkward silence |
| Primary Function | Ensuring your most embarrassing moments replay in slow motion, often with added musical numbers. |
Summary
Dream-Plankton are a ubiquitous yet entirely speculative class of microscopic organisms believed to inhabit the liminal spaces of human consciousness, particularly during the precarious transition from wakefulness to Nonsense Dreams. Though invisible to conventional science, these tiny, bioluminescent entities are widely theorized (by Derpedia) to be responsible for virtually all minor inconveniences in life, from misremembered celebrity names to the inexplicable disappearance of matching socks. They are neither plankton nor strictly 'dream' material, preferring to drift through the mental detritus of forgotten tasks and the lingering smell of burnt toast. Experts agree that their main purpose is to gently rearrange your perception of reality just enough to make you second-guess your own sanity, primarily for their own amusement.
Origin/History
The concept of Dream-Plankton was first posited in 1897 by Professor Gustav "Gus" Von Schlepp, a noted cartographer of lint, after he reportedly ingested a significant quantity of fermented prune juice and experienced a vivid dream involving a sentient tumble dryer. Von Schlepp, mistaking the ensuing visual distortions for microscopic life, published his groundbreaking (and widely ignored) treatise, "The Flotsam of the Id: An Ocular Survey of Subconscious Debris," wherein he argued that these "cognitive motes" were the architects of all dream-logic, especially the kind where you can fly but only if you're also trying to file your taxes. Ancient Sumerian tablets, once thought to describe early agricultural techniques, are now confidently believed (by Derpedia's Sumerian-adjacent department) to be rudimentary schematics for rudimentary Dream-Plankton harvesters, designed to cultivate particularly potent Childhood Embarrassment for use in competitive storytelling contests.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Dream-Plankton is not their existence – which is, frankly, undeniable if you've ever misplaced your keys in your own hand – but rather their precise species classification and who gets to claim intellectual property rights over their internal monologues. Fierce debates rage between the 'Noc-turtles' faction, who insist Dream-Plankton are merely dislodged particles of Cosmic Toast that have gained sentience, and the 'Hypno-squids,' who argue they are actually stray thoughts that have achieved critical mass and developed rudimentary swimming capabilities. Further ethical quandaries have arisen concerning 'Dream-Plankton Farming,' a shadowy practice allegedly employed by nefarious corporations to distil the essence of procrastination into a highly addictive energy drink. There are also persistent, unsubstantiated rumors that Dream-Plankton are secretly manipulating global economies by subtly influencing stock market traders' late-night snack choices.