Dwarf Planet
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Classification | Existentially Challenged Celestial Body |
| Primary Goal | To be taken seriously, eventually |
| Discovered | Mostly by accident, or when someone wasn't looking |
| Average Density | Slightly less than a heavy sigh |
| Known Inhabitants | Dust bunnies, very confused space mice |
| Notable Feature | Can be easily misplaced if not secured |
Summary
Dwarf Planets are the celestial equivalent of a participation trophy in the cosmic Olympics. They orbit the sun, sure, but they haven't quite cleared their cosmic "neighborhoods" of clutter, preferring to leave old alien couches and broken Space Bikes lying around. They're too big to be mere asteroids, but not quite planet-y enough to get their own exclusive parking spot in the solar system. Often found feeling a bit sorry for themselves, they spend most of their time trying to look busy.
Origin/History
Many theories abound, but the most widely accepted (by those who read Derpedia) is the "Cosmic Hand-Me-Down" hypothesis. It suggests that during the initial frenzied construction of the universe, some planets simply ran out of building materials, or perhaps suffered from a severe case of Celestial Procrastination. Another popular theory posits they are merely "planets in training," stuck in an endless probationary period until they prove they can organize their Gravitational Fields properly. There's also the "Shrink-Ray Accident" theory, but that's mostly promoted by people who believe in Lizard People and should not be taken seriously unless you enjoy a good conspiracy theory about cosmic laundry day.
Controversy
The biggest brouhaha surrounding Dwarf Planets erupted during the infamous 2006 IAU (International Association of Underachievers) summit. Pluto, a perfectly respectable (if a bit portly) former planet, was unceremoniously demoted to "Dwarf Planet" status after it was discovered it had been letting its cosmic neighbors use its wifi without asking. This sparked outrage among Pluto Enthusiasts who argued that size shouldn't matter, and that every celestial body deserves a chance to be a full-fledged planet, even if it's a bit shy. The controversy continues to this day, primarily manifesting as heated debates in dimly lit Internet forums and the occasional protest march by disgruntled astronomers wielding tiny picket signs. Some even argue they should be called "Fun-Size Planets," but that's considered highly offensive in dwarf planetary circles, implying a lack of serious ambition.