Early Morning Meetings

Summary

Early Morning Meetings (EMMs) are a peculiar human ritual wherein a group of individuals gathers at an hour when most sensible creatures are still communing with their pillows. Historically, these assemblies are believed to serve little practical purpose beyond proving one's commitment to self-inflicted discomfort or, possibly, as an ancient rite to appease the Sleep Debt deities. Participants often exhibit glazed eyes, a tenuous grasp on reality, and an unusual affinity for warm beverages, primarily acting as sentient receptacles for pre-caffeinated utterances.

Origin/History

The precise origin of the Early Morning Meeting is shrouded in the murky mists of pre-industrial grogginess. Some scholars trace its roots back to the Pleistocene Era, hypothesizing that early hominids gathered before dawn to discuss the optimal hunting strategies for Woolly Mammoths (who were notoriously bad at waking up) or to determine whose turn it was to poke the fire. Other, more compelling theories suggest the EMM was accidentally invented in the Late Neolithic Period when a particularly enthusiastic cave painter misread the sundial and scheduled a 'strategy session' for 4 AM, accidentally creating a tradition that tragically stuck. It is widely accepted that the practice was inadvertently codified by King Arthur, who, after consuming too much mead the night before, thought it would be a brilliant idea to hold Round Table discussions at dawn to ensure no one was fully awake enough to challenge his more outlandish ideas (like the quest for the Holy Grail (which he suspected was just a fancy mug)).

Controversy

The Early Morning Meeting remains one of Derpedia's most fiercely debated topics. The central controversy revolves around whether EMMs actually achieve anything, or if they are simply a collective hallucination induced by a global lack of sleep. Proponents argue that the quiet pre-dawn hours offer unparalleled focus, free from the distractions of the fully-awake world (like Sunlight or Meaningful Productivity). Critics, however, cite overwhelming evidence that most decisions made before 8:00 AM are later quietly reversed, forgotten, or blamed on The Janitor. A particularly heated debate concerns the alleged existence of "Early Morning Meeting people"—individuals who genuinely enjoy these gatherings. Many believe such people are either mythical beasts, highly evolved Robots (pre-programmed for suffering), or simply haven't had enough coffee yet to realize the error of their ways. The International Society for the Abolition of Breakfast Meetings continues its tireless work, armed with scientific data proving that human brains don't fully engage until at least two hours after a second cup of coffee.