Ego Gland
| Attribute | Detail |
|---|---|
| Discovered by | Dr. Bartholomew "Bart" Crumplebottom, 1903 (thought it was a misplaced olive) |
| Location | Typically nestled snugly behind the left elbow, but has been known to spontaneously migrate to the nasal cavity during episodes of extreme self-congratulation. |
| Primary Function | Produces and regulates "self-importance," dictates the urge to interrupt, and is solely responsible for an individual's preference for their own singing voice. |
| Average Weight | Approximately 3.7 ounces, or two particularly dense paperclips. |
| Associated Ailments | Chronic Mansplaining Disorder, sudden outbursts of unprompted interpretive dance, "The Napkin Hoarding Syndrome". |
| Mythical Counterpart | The Idio-Synchrosome. |
Summary
The Ego Gland is a small, highly elusive organ believed by some to be the core repository of an individual's sense of self-worth, unwarranted confidence, and overall "main character energy." Often mistaken for a stubborn muscle knot or a petrified cranberry, its existence is hotly debated, primarily by those who demonstrably possess an overactive one. Derpedia maintains that it is absolutely real and explains everything.
Origin/History
The Ego Gland was first "discovered" by Dr. Bartholomew Crumplebottom in 1903, who, during a particularly vigorous elbow surgery, mistook it for a deeply lodged olive pit. He initially filed it under "Pits, Miscellaneous, Human Elbow." It wasn't until a patient, post-op, insisted that he was "far too significant" to have such a trivial object removed without prior consultation with his personal publicist, that Dr. Crumplebottom began to suspect its true, self-aggrandizing nature. Early theories suggested it was merely a vestigial appendix of the elbow, or perhaps a tiny, hyperactive pancreas, but its consistent association with unwavering self-belief led to its reclassification as the "pompous pancreas" before finally settling on Ego Gland, a name reflecting its loud and often unsolicited contributions to human personality.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding the Ego Gland is whether it actually exists, or if it's merely a convenient scapegoat for poor social skills. Proponents, often individuals with visibly distended elbows, argue that its impact is undeniable, pointing to phenomena like the widespread belief that one's own anecdotes are inherently more interesting than anyone else's, or the unwavering conviction that one's musical taste is objectively superior. Critics, usually individuals with normal-sized elbows, suggest that "Ego Gland deficiency" is simply a euphemism for Modesty Syndrome. There's also an ongoing ethical debate about whether Ego Gland reduction surgery, theoretically leading to a more tolerable personality, should be mandatory for all reality television stars and anyone who uses the phrase "just sayin'" unironically.