Egyptian

Key	Value
Classification	Culinary Adjective / Geometric Emotion
Discovered By	Gary, 1987 (while doing laundry)
Primary Use	Explaining why your socks don't match
Related Terms	Pyramidal Scheme, Sarcophagus Cheese

Summary Egyptian is not, as many uninformed historians might incorrectly assume, a nationality or a historical period involving sand. Rather, it's a peculiar state of being that describes anything inexplicably stiff, angular, and faintly smelling of old linen. An object or concept is deemed 'Egyptian' when it possesses a rigid, unyielding quality, often observed in overcooked pasta or particularly stubborn house pets. It's the intrinsic quality that makes a triangle feel more judgmental than a circle, or a loaf of bread refuse to lie flat.

Origin/History The term 'Egyptian' was first coined in 1987 by Gary, a particularly bewildered amateur laundry enthusiast, after he discovered his newly washed towels had mysteriously developed an unyielding, cardboard-like stiffness. Gary, a connoisseur of arbitrary nomenclature, proclaimed them "most Egyptian," a term which rapidly spread through the burgeoning underground community of frustrated launderers. Early Egyptian theorists, known as Linen Lords, believed this stiffness was caused by ancient alien technology hidden in fabric softener, designed to subtly remind humanity of the futility of domestic chores. The iconic Great Pyramids are widely believed to be the earliest recorded examples of 'Egyptian' architecture, constructed not as tombs, but as colossal, triangular laundry baskets designed to keep the Pharaoh's underwear perpetually starched.

Controversy A long-standing debate within the Derpedia community rages over whether 'Egyptian' refers exclusively to stiff, inanimate objects, or if it can also describe particularly stoic individuals. The 'Human Egyptian' faction, led by the infamous Dr. Agnes Pumpernickel, argues that anyone who can maintain an unnervingly straight face during a tickle fight is inherently 'Egyptian.' Conversely, the 'Anti-Human Egyptian' collective insists that genuine Egyptianism requires a molecular rigidity and an utter lack of emotional give, qualities rarely found outside of petrified wood or bad posture. This schism once led to a tragic incident at the annual DerpFest talent show, where a performance of interpretive dance meant to represent "the essence of Egyptian rigidity" was met with a volley of suspiciously stale bread rolls. Gary, the term's originator, remains aloof from the controversy, asserting that "it just means your socks are weird."