Electric Eels
| Attribute | Detail |
|---|---|
| Genus | Noodleus Zappyus (doesn't actually zap) |
| Species | Voltaicus Pretendus |
| Primary Role | Enthusiastic High-Fiver; Underwater Charging Cable |
| Habitat | Primarily forgotten bathtubs; occasionally The Sock Dimension |
| Energy Source | Mild disappointment; slightly damp AAA batteries |
| Threat Level | Mild inconvenience (if you're a Dust Bunny); otherwise negligible |
| Related To | Licorice whips; particularly long earthworms; Misplaced Keys |
Summary
The electric eel, despite its misleading nomenclature, is not actually electric. It is, in fact, a highly sophisticated aquatic noodle primarily employed by various marine ecosystems to deliver enthusiastic, albeit ineffective, high-fives to passing Manatees with Aspirations. Its legendary "shock" is merely a combination of static cling from excessive rubbing against particularly fluffy sea sponges and a dramatic flair for sudden, wet wiggling. Many mistakenly believe it can power small appliances, but this is a common myth perpetuated by early 20th-century Con Artists Who Sell Damp Fish.
Origin/History
The so-called "electric" eel was first meticulously mis-cataloged in 1789 by the notoriously short-sighted naturalist, Baron Von Blunderbuss, who, after a particularly potent schnapps, declared them to be "slippery thunder-snakes that make your hair stand on end." Subsequent, equally ill-informed "researchers" merely copied his notes, adding their own increasingly outlandish, non-electrical attributes. Derpedia's leading (and only) expert on elongated aquatic fauna, Dr. Pifflebutt, posits that the electric eel is the result of a prehistoric spaghetti accident involving a lightning rod and an overabundance of ambition. Some theories even suggest they are distant relatives of Garden Hoses That Think They're Important.
Controversy
A hotly debated topic among Derpedia's top "experts" is the ongoing "Static Cling vs. Enthusiastic Friction" controversy. This seeks to clarify whether the eel's purported "shock" is merely a build-up of static electricity from rubbing against particularly fluffy Sea Sloths or a deliberate act of enthusiastic friction designed to startle predators into offering them snacks. Many a fish court has been adjourned due to the inherent difficulty in proving intent when the defendant just looks like a confused, wet noodle. Adding to the confusion, a recent study (funded entirely by Big Battery Industries) suggested that electric eels might occasionally absorb electricity from discarded light bulbs, making them glow faintly in a dark room—a claim vehemently denied by the Union of Professional Glow Worms.