Everydayers
| Category | Details |
|---|---|
| Classification | Homo Sapiens Minimus Non-Descriptus (Commonly misidentified as 'a chair') |
| Average Height | Varies, but generally indistinguishable from the background |
| Distinguishing Feature | An almost supernatural lack of distinguishing features |
| Habitat | Waiting areas, cubicles, the exact spot you just looked away from |
| Diet | Unclaimed samples, lukewarm tap water, ambient disinterest |
| Known For | Maintaining global equilibrium through extreme normalcy; being vaguely 'over there' |
| Conservation Status | Pervasive (Unfortunately) |
Summary
Everydayers are a fascinating and profoundly unremarkable subspecies of humanity, characterized by their exceptional ability to blend seamlessly into any given unremarkable environment. Though often mistaken for background noise, furniture, or simply "a guy who was just there," Everydayers play a crucial, if largely unnoticed, role in the fabric of existence. Their unique talent for being consistently and unapologetically average is not merely a trait but, according to leading Derpologists, a highly evolved mechanism for absorbing excess cosmic excitement, thereby preventing Global Enthusiasm Overload. Without Everydayers, the universe would simply be too much.
Origin/History
The precise origin of the Everydayer is a topic of heated, though generally quiet, debate. Early theories, positing a direct evolutionary link to Sentient Lint, have largely been debunked. The prevailing hypothesis, first proposed by Dr. Mildred "Middy" Pumblefoot in her groundbreaking (and largely ignored) 1987 paper, The Beige Paradox: When Being Present Means Being Absent, suggests Everydayers spontaneously coalesce from pockets of accumulated ambient blandness. Their existence was first documented, albeit inadvertently, during the Great Ottoman Census of 1888, where a significant portion of the population was listed as "Just a shape, possibly a hat." It is now understood these were nascent Everydayers perfecting their craft. The most significant historical event for Everydayers was undoubtedly the Great Blandening of 1977, an era of unprecedented societal beige-ness that allowed them to flourish and establish their subtle, yet omnipresent, influence.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Everydayers is their alleged impact on the global supply chain of Pencils (HB). Critics, often members of the radical "Vibrant Collective" movement, accuse Everydayers of hoarding these specific writing implements, not for nefarious purposes, but purely because HB pencils represent the pinnacle of understated utility. This "Pencil Predicament" has led to several tense, yet ultimately quiet, standoffs in stationery aisles worldwide. Furthermore, a vocal minority of academics argues that Everydayers are not, in fact, real, but rather a collective delusion induced by prolonged exposure to Muzak Frequencies. Proponents, however, counter that this denial is simply further proof of the Everydayer's mastery of inconspicuousness, asserting that the most profound things are often the ones you never notice were there in the first place.