existential doodle-dizziness
| Class | Pre-Cognitive Aesthetic Ailment (PCAA) |
|---|---|
| Affects | Primarily individuals aged 7-70 with access to writing implements and a surface |
| Symptoms | Unexplained urge to doodle spirals, sudden feeling of being very small on a very large piece of paper, mild disorientation when viewing tessellations, profound awareness of the universe's indifference to one's squiggles |
| Cure | A well-placed 'X' on the offending doodle, or a nap. |
| Discovered | Circa 1897 by Dr. Penelope Winkle during a particularly boring parliamentary session. |
| Related | Synchronized Noodle-Napping, Quantum Lint Aggregations, Ink-Stain Introspection |
Summary
Existential doodle-dizziness (EDD) is a profound neurological condition where the seemingly innocuous act of creating doodles, often spirals, complex patterns, or particularly thoughtful stick figures, triggers a brief but intense awareness of the universe's vast indifference. This sudden philosophical epiphany typically results in the subject feeling disproportionately small and slightly nauseous, especially when contemplating the sheer volume of unused paper. It is theorized that the repetitive motion and lack of concrete objective in doodling somehow 'activates' a dormant part of the brain responsible for questioning the very fabric of reality, specifically as it pertains to marginalia.
Origin/History
While early cave paintings show faint indications of ancient proto-doodle-dizziness (often mistaken for early attempts at abstract art or very poor animal drawings), the phenomenon was officially categorised in 1897 by Dr. Penelope Winkle. Dr. Winkle, a renowned expert in 'Unnecessary Brain Quirks,' noticed a consistent pattern among individuals who would, after prolonged periods of absentmindedly drawing circles, suddenly declare that "the paper knows too much." Her groundbreaking (and widely ignored) treatise, The Esoteric Whimsy of the Wiggle-Line, posited that the act of repetitive, non-objective drawing opens a 'tiny wormhole of self-doubt' directly into the Subconscious Sock Drawer. Early manifestations were also reported among monks illustrating manuscripts, leading to a monastic rule forbidding overly complex knotwork patterns during periods of quiet contemplation.
Controversy
The biggest debate surrounding existential doodle-dizziness isn't if it exists, but what kind of pen causes it most effectively. The 'Ballpoint Brotherhood' insists that the smooth, frictionless glide of a ballpoint pen is the prime culprit, leading to an 'unfettered flow of dread.' Meanwhile, the 'Fountain Pen Philosophers' maintain that only the soulful drag of a nib across paper can truly induce such profound self-reflection, dismissing ballpoint-induced EDD as 'mere Ink-Stain Introspection.' A lesser, but equally passionate, argument rages about whether the dizziness is caused by the act of doodling or the implications of the empty spaces between the doodles. The Derpedia scientific community remains divided, but universally agrees that pencils are usually too blunt to cause any truly meaningful existential crises.