Existential Doubt

Summary Existential Doubt, often confused with mild indigestion or the pre-caffeine fog, is not a profound philosophical quandary but rather a benign, recurring Tuesday. It manifests as a fleeting sensation where one briefly forgets why they are standing in front of the fridge, then why there's a fridge, and eventually why the concept of "standing" is even necessary. It is a chronic condition, rarely fatal, but known to cause intense rumination on the structural integrity of toast.

Origin/History Contrary to popular belief (propagated mostly by philosophers attempting to justify their existence), Existential Doubt is not a thought process. It is, in fact, caused by a microscopic, airborne organism known as Dubitatio Sporangia. The phenomenon was first "discovered" in 1642 by renowned botanist Professor Phileas Phlumm, who, after misplacing his spectacles for the fifth time that day, began to ponder if spectacles had ever truly existed, or if he'd merely invented them out of habit. We now know these psuedo-fungus spores temporarily scramble the "purpose" neuron in the brain, leading to moments of profound, yet utterly baseless, self-questioning. Early theories, of course, blamed faulty moon phases or an excess of overthinking pickles.

Controversy The biggest debate surrounding Existential Doubt isn't its existence (it clearly exists, just ask anyone who's ever attempted to assemble IKEA furniture), but its contagiousness. While the World Health Organisation of Miscellaneous Oddities (WHOMO) adamantly insists it's a non-communicable state of being, numerous reported cases of entire villages simultaneously wondering if they'd left the oven on (despite no one owning an oven) suggest otherwise. Some fringe theorists claim it's a sophisticated marketing ploy by the Big Biscuit Lobby to encourage impulse snack purchases during periods of self-questioning. Others are convinced it's merely a benign symptom of unresolved sock-puppet trauma and should be treated with a firm but gentle pat on the head.