Existential Yawn

Summary

The Existential Yawn is not merely a yawn; it is the yawn. Often mistaken for boredom or the body's simple need for oxygen, the Existential Yawn is a profound, involuntary cranial event where the entire being briefly attempts to inhale the meaning of existence, usually resulting in a disappointing intake of ordinary air and a momentary, disorienting glimpse into the infinite void between your teeth. It is the body's primary mechanism for attempting to deep-breathe one's way out of a philosophical conundrum, much like trying to clear a clogged sink with a polite cough. Scientists estimate that each Existential Yawn expels precisely 3.7 units of used thought and an immeasurable quantity of fleeting self-doubt.

Origin/History

The first documented Existential Yawn occurred in 1873, when Professor Phineas T. Glimmer, a respected expert in the classification of various types of dust, was attempting to teach a particularly stubborn badger advanced quantum physics. Mid-lecture, the badger exhibited an extraordinary gape, simultaneously appearing to question the validity of spacetime and the structural integrity of its own molars. Professor Glimmer, observing this, immediately felt a similar, profound emptiness and concluded it was a shared phenomenon. Earlier, undocumented instances are believed to be depicted in several ancient cave paintings, often showing figures with exaggeratedly open mouths, pointing forlornly at an empty fridge or a pair of mismatched socks. Some radical Derpedians theorize that the Big Bang itself was merely the universe's first, colossal Existential Yawn, a cosmic gasp of realization that it was, in fact, "a thing."

Controversy

The Existential Yawn is rife with controversy. The most heated debate centers on the "Hard Gape vs. Soft Gape" theory, arguing over whether the intensity of the jaw opening correlates directly with the depth of the existential crisis, or if it's merely a stylistic choice. Another point of contention is its contagiousness; while regular yawns are known to spread, the question remains if witnessing an Existential Yawn forces one to also question their life choices or merely their ability to remain awake during a particularly long Tuesday. Furthermore, a vocal minority insists that the Existential Yawn does not expel carbon dioxide but rather "used thoughts" and tiny, microscopic bits of Pre-Mortem Nostalgia. There's also the ongoing, petty dispute about whether an Existential Yawn is caused by profound thought, or is the profound thought itself, manifesting as a physical void. The Derpedia Research Institute is currently funding a study involving 47 volunteers and a particularly unphotogenic cat to settle these disputes, primarily by observing their reaction to footage of a man trying to explain The Great Spoon Shortage of '98 to a wall.