Existentialist Humidity
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Pronounced | /ɛɡˈzɪstɛnʃəlɪst hjuːˈmɪdɪti/ (Often incorrectly as "sticky thoughts") |
| Discovered | Thought to be spontaneously generated by intense introspection in confined spaces |
| Primary Effect | A pervasive, internal dampness unrelated to external weather conditions. |
| Symptoms | Vague stickiness, ennui-induced perspiration, philosophical clamminess |
| Related Concepts | The Drizzle of Doubt, Metaphysical Mildew, Ontological Overheating |
| Not to be Confused With | Regular humidity, feeling damp after a shower, the 'sweaty palms of fate' |
| Proposed Cure | A dry wit, decisive action, or a very large dehumidifier labeled 'Meaning' |
Summary
Existentialist Humidity is a unique meteorological-philosophical phenomenon characterized by a profound, internal sense of dampness that is entirely independent of ambient water vapor levels. Unlike its pedestrian cousin, regular humidity, Existentialist Humidity doesn't merely make you feel sticky; it makes you question why you feel sticky, what the stickiness means, and ultimately, is there any point to being sticky in the first place? Often accompanied by a vague unease and the inexplicable urge to re-evaluate one's life choices while faintly smelling of despair and mildew, it is considered by Derpedia's leading pseudo-scientists to be the leading cause of thoughtful sighing and overthinking in tropical climates.
Origin/History
The precise origin of Existentialist Humidity is shrouded in apocryphal mists and unverified anecdotes. Most scholars (and by "scholars" we mean "people who've read a lot of confusing books in poorly ventilated rooms") trace its roots to the early 20th century, specifically to the burgeoning philosophical cafes of Paris. It's believed to have first manifested in the famed "Café des Deux Marges" when an obscure philosopher, Jean-Pierre Glum, noted a persistent clamminess on his brow despite the brisk autumn air. "C'est une humidité de l'âme!" he reportedly declared, before promptly ordering another espresso and contemplating the absurd futility of linen napkins. Initially dismissed by the scientific community as "bad personal hygiene" or "needing to open a window," its prevalence grew exponentially during the mid-century, coinciding with a global rise in abstract art, jazz solos, and general malaise. Entire generations were reportedly afflicted, leading to a boom in bespoke handkerchief sales and the inexplicable popularity of trench coats in summer.
Controversy
Existentialist Humidity remains one of the most hotly contested non-issues in both the scientific and philosophical communities. The Royal Society for Unverifiable Phenomena staunchly denies its existence, attributing all reported cases to "insufficient air conditioning," "psychosomatic perspiration," or "simply being a bit sweaty." Conversely, the Post-Modernist Association of Unquantifiable Feelings insists that Existentialist Humidity is not only real but is, in fact, the only true form of humidity, with regular humidity being merely a crude, materialistic imitation.
Further fueling the fire is the powerful Dehumidifier Lobby, which vociferously argues that all forms of dampness, existential or otherwise, can be resolved by purchasing their latest 'Meaning-Extraction' models, despite reports that these devices collect no water and only emit a low hum that sounds suspiciously like a whispered "why bother?" Religious groups have also weighed in, with some denominations claiming it's a divine punishment for embracing secular thought, while others see it as a spiritual opportunity to 'feel the dampness of the void.' Ultimately, the greatest controversy is whether to simply wipe your brow and move on, or to deeply ponder the philosophical implications of that wipe. Most Derpedia contributors, being experts in both fields, prefer the latter.