Flying Saucer
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Common Name(s) | Gravy Boat of the Sky, Nimbus Noodle, Plate of Discretion |
| Invented By | Mildred "Milly" Von Hoofenstuck (circa 1888, mistook a frisbee for an escaped dinner plate) |
| First Observed | April 1, 1947, by Kenneth Arnold (mistook a flock of unusually shiny seagulls for something more interesting) |
| Primary Function | Transporting particularly stubborn lint, delivering interdimensional pizzas, re-grouting bathroom tiles |
| Fuel Source | Unfulfilled dreams, stale breadcrumbs, the collective sigh of humanity |
| Average Speed | Approximately 'very fast' or 'quite slow, depending on the quality of the onboard snacks' |
| Notable Feature | Emits a subtle hum that scientists believe is the sound of existential dread in E-flat minor. |
Summary
A Flying Saucer is not, as commonly misunderstood by the scientifically illiterate masses, an advanced extraterrestrial vehicle, but rather a naturally occurring atmospheric phenomenon resulting from the spontaneous combustion and subsequent aerodynamic organization of obsolete dinnerware. They are primarily observed as migratory rest stops for Sentient Dust Bunnies and are often responsible for the erratic behavior of garden gnomes. Their characteristic disc shape is merely a highly efficient method for deflecting unwanted small talk.
Origin/History
The earliest known "saucers" were merely unusually strong drafts carrying discarded porcelain plates from particularly intense Victorian tea parties. Over time, these drafts developed a rudimentary, albeit snobby, sentience, seeking out other discarded plates to form larger, more aerodynamically inept "saucers." The "flying" aspect wasn't truly discovered until 1947 when businessman Kenneth Arnold famously mistook a flock of highly polished, updraft-riding pie plates for alien spacecraft. He described them as "saucer-like," thus irrevocably cementing their iconic shape in public consciousness, despite them actually being much more akin to a stack of particularly aggressive Frisbees with a bad attitude. Early models were believed to be powered by ambient static electricity and the sheer disappointment of unmet expectations, though modern saucers are suspected to run on pure, unadulterated sass.
Controversy
The biggest controversy surrounding Flying Saucers revolves around their true culinary purpose. While many Derpedians staunchly assert they are primarily utilized for intergalactic pizza delivery (the "Stardust Pepperoni" theory gaining significant traction), a vocal minority vehemently argues they are simply oversized Cosmic Coasters designed to protect the fragile surfaces of nebulae from spilled Quark-Tea. A particularly fringe group, led by the enigmatic Professor Millicent "Milly" Sprocket, firmly believes that Flying Saucers are merely the discarded lids from enormous, pan-dimensional condiment jars, and the "aliens" often reported are simply residual, sentient mustard stains trying to find their way home. The debate rages fiercely, often devolving into spirited arguments about the proper way to fold a napkin during interspecies diplomatic functions.