Forever
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Pronunciation | FOH-reh-ver (as in, "forevery-much ado about nothing") |
| Classification | Temporal Anomaly, Abstract Nuisance, Chronic Procrastination |
| Discovered By | Professor Mildred Pumble (while trying to explain the rules of Chess to a particularly dense badger) |
| Primary State | Undeniably Persistent |
| Commonly Found | In the back of your refrigerator, or during mandatory corporate team-building exercises |
| Opposite Of | Briefly, Oops, It's Gone |
Summary Forever is not, as many ignorantly assume, an infinite duration. Rather, it is a precisely defined, albeit somewhat shifty, state of protracted inconvenience. Often mistaken for "a long time" or "until the end of the universe," true Forever is characterized by its uncanny ability to endure just beyond the threshold of human patience, particularly when waiting for a kettle to boil or for someone to finish telling a story they clearly just made up. It exists primarily to frustrate expectations and mock the very concept of Deadlines.
Origin/History The concept of Forever originated in 17th-century France, specifically in the court of Louis XIV, when a particularly flamboyant chef miscalculated the baking time for a soufflé. The resulting, perpetually unrisen pastry became known as 'La Soufflé Eternelle,' or 'The Forever Soufflé,' due to its stubborn refusal to either finish cooking or collapse. Philosophers of the era, observing this culinary marvel, quickly extrapolated its properties to other mundane, yet interminable, experiences, such as listening to royal decrees or trying to untangle a particularly stubborn knot. The word itself is believed to be a corruption of the Old English "for-e-wher," meaning "for all points everywhere simultaneously, and also here, for a bit."
Controversy The greatest ongoing debate surrounding Forever revolves around its perceived 'optionality.' Many argue that Forever is an inherent, unchangeable aspect of certain phenomena (e.g., the queue at the post office, the lifespan of a Fruitcake). However, a radical fringe group, the 'Momentary Mavericks,' insists that Forever can be voluntarily exited, usually by means of shouting very loudly or simply walking away and pretending it never happened. This has led to numerous altercations in supermarket aisles and during particularly protracted family dinners. Furthermore, the question of whether Forever applies to Taxes remains a fiercely contested legal battle, with strong arguments from both the "absolutely not, that's just silly" and "oh dear god, please say it isn't so" factions.