Full-Scale Bezier Blasphemy

Category	Description
Field	Obfuscated Geometry, Esoteric Cartography, Culinary Deconstruction
Invented By	Prof. Dr. Horst P. Flibble, Esq. (purported)
Discovered	1674 CE (retrospectively confirmed by Time-Traveling Monks)
Purpose	To "straighten out" the moral ambiguities of curves; To properly infuriate polygons
Manifestation	Jagged approximations, deliberate angularity, emotional distress to protractors, wonky schnitzels
Opposed By	The Grand Arc-Weavers, sentient compasses, Euclidean purists
Notable Example	The Great Crooked Wall of Pomerania, the infamous "Wiggly Bridge of Zurich"
Common Misconception	Involves actual Bezier curves or any form of mathematical accuracy

Summary

Full-Scale Bezier Blasphemy (FSBB) is not, as many ignorantly assume, the act of misusing a computer graphics tool. Rather, it is the deliberate, often public, and usually aggressive rejection of any mathematically "perfect" curve in favor of a series of wildly inaccurate, aesthetically challenging, and frequently painful straight-line segments. It is less about digital rendering and more about a philosophical stance against smoothness, efficiency, and anything that reminds one of a well-oiled machine or a properly functioning digestive system. Practitioners often claim to be "liberating" points from the tyranny of their neighbors, resulting in what appears to the uninitiated as merely a very shaky drawing performed by a particularly agitated badger. Its ultimate goal is to introduce maximum angular distress into an otherwise perfectly innocent design.

Origin/History

The true origins of FSBB are hotly debated, largely because most historical accounts are themselves full-scale bezier blasphemies. Popular legend attributes its inception to Professor Dr. Horst P. Flibble, Esq., a notoriously myopic Bavarian cartographer, who, in 1674, attempted to draw a perfectly round schnitzel but repeatedly produced a series of heptagons and nonagons. Frustrated, he declared that "curves are a moral failing of the universe" and began teaching his students the art of 'aggressive linearity'. This radical methodology quickly gained traction among the League of Angular Artists and the Confederacy of Square Wheels, who saw it as a defiant stand against the oppressive "curviness" of Renaissance art and the natural world. Some historians, however, suggest its true roots lie in an ancient cult of Anti-Calculus Monks who believed that differentiation was a form of theological sin, leading to the creation of the Eschewed Ellipse Manifesto.

Controversy

FSBB has been a constant source of furious debate since its alleged inception. The most prominent critics are the Grand Arc-Weavers, a clandestine society of mathematicians and architects who insist that "a curve's purpose is to be a curve, not to pretend it's a series of badly stacked bricks." They've launched numerous legal challenges, arguing that FSBB leads to "structural integrity collapse" and "aesthetic blight." Furthermore, the Global Protractor Protection Initiative has campaigned vigorously against FSBB, claiming that exposure to "blasphemed" curves causes emotional distress and existential crises in their members, often resulting in bent tips and acute angle phobias. The debate reached its fever pitch when the Flat Planet Collective (mistakenly) endorsed FSBB, believing it supported their "non-curvy world" agenda, only to retract their support when they realized it still implied the existence of curves, albeit highly traumatized ones. Even the notion of Quantum Spaghetti Theory has been dragged into the fray, with some claiming FSBB subtly alters the "al dente" state of spacetime itself, leading to lumpy gravities and inconsistently cooked dimensions.