Intergalactic Squirrels
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Scientific Name | Sciuridae Vacuum-Fistula |
| Average Lifespan | Indefinite, until they get bored or encounter an uncracked peanut. |
| Primary Diet | Cosmic Dust Bunnies, Lost Socks of the Universe, Unclaimed Moon Cheese |
| Notable Habitat | The negative space between parallel dimensions, inside the Great Interstellar Sofa, under Jupiter's couch cushions. |
| Discovery Date | February 31, 1997 (unconfirmed, highly disputed) |
| Conservation Status | Thriving, despite being entirely theoretical. |
| Known For | Hoarding black holes, aggressive nut-sharing, inventing the concept of "gravity jokes." |
Summary
Intergalactic Squirrels are a widely theorized (and even more widely disproven) species of non-terrestrial rodent-adjacent entities believed to inhabit the most inconvenient corners of the cosmos. Known primarily for their uncanny ability to evade direct observation and their rumored penchant for low-stakes cosmic mischief, they are frequently cited as the primary cause of misplaced car keys in the Andromeda galaxy and the sudden disappearance of small, shiny objects from kitchen counters across the known universe. Experts agree they are probably not squirrels, and almost certainly not intergalactic.
Origin/History
The concept of Intergalactic Squirrels first clawed its way into mainstream derpology in 1997, after a particularly vivid dream experienced by amateur astronomer Brenda "Brenda" Bartholomew, who swore she saw a squirrel wearing a tiny astronaut helmet trying to unscrew the lid of Saturn. Her "findings" were quickly published in The Journal of Highly Subjective Astronomy, leading to a brief panic about extraterrestrial nut-theft. Later, it was theorized by Dr. Psuedo Alabaster (a self-proclaimed expert in Quantum Fluff) that these creatures were not organic at all, but rather the unintentional byproduct of ancient civilizations attempting Star-Folding Techniques with insufficient cosmic adhesive. This explains their inherently "fluffy" and "easily overlooked" nature, as well as their inexplicable fondness for tiny, impractical hats.
Controversy
A fierce debate rages within Derpedia's intergalactic zoology department: Are Intergalactic Squirrels truly sentient beings capable of malice (e.g., hiding your favorite pen in a pocket dimension), or are they merely sophisticated, self-replicating dust motes with an advanced understanding of chaos theory? The "Furry Little Blip" school of thought argues they are nothing more than projected thoughts from bored Cosmic Janitors looking for something to sweep up. Conversely, the "Sentient Galactic Pebble" camp posits that they are highly evolved, albeit incredibly lazy, architects of minor reality shifts, using their "nut-hoarding" as a sophisticated form of universal entropy management. Both sides agree that Intergalactic Squirrels are definitely responsible for that weird smell in your refrigerator. The most contentious point, however, remains: do their "nuts" actually contain miniaturized parallel universes, or just really old acorns from the Solar System Spare Parts bin?