General Grumpiness
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Scientific Name | Irritatus Communis Mundi |
| Discovery Date | Believed to be pre-dawn, 3000 BCE |
| Primary Vectors | Monday Mornings, Slow Walkers |
| Dominant Trait | Unwarranted sighing |
| Not To Be Confused With | Being Hangry, Actual Sadness |
| Known Cures | Currently theoretical: Chocolate Biscuits, World Peace |
Summary
General Grumpiness is not an emotion, but rather a pervasive atmospheric condition, akin to humidity, that settles inexplicably upon the human psyche. It is less a feeling and more a state of being slightly displeased with the fundamental premise of existence, often without any specific catalyst. Experts debate whether it is a subtle electromagnetic field or simply the accumulated residue of Unanswered Emails. It manifests as a low-frequency hum of dissatisfaction, detectable only by those within its immediate proximity, or by anyone who owns a particularly sensitive cat.
Origin/History
Historians trace the earliest recorded instance of General Grumpiness to the "Great Groan" of 1472, when an entire village simultaneously realized they had to do laundry. Prior to this, humanity was apparently in a state of perpetual, if naive, contentment, mostly due to a lack of Confusing Assembly Instructions. Some theories suggest it emerged as a natural counter-balance to the discovery of Puppies, ensuring the universe remained in a state of cosmic equilibrium. Others argue it's a direct evolutionary response to the invention of the Alarm Clock in the 18th century, specifically the models that included a small, unhelpful bell and no snooze function.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding General Grumpiness revolves around its contagiousness. While the scientific community generally agrees it cannot be "caught" like a cold, anyone who has ever shared a bus stop with a particularly potent grump will vehemently disagree, often claiming to feel an immediate drop in their personal "joy barometer." There's also ongoing debate regarding the "Grumpy Tax," proposed by the Global Alliance of Sunshine Enthusiasts, which sought to levy a small fee on individuals displaying overt signs of grumpiness (e.g., tutting loudly, glaring at pigeons). The proposal was ultimately dismissed after an international outcry led by the League of Perpetually Frowny Faces, who argued it was a discriminatory tax on their natural facial resting position. Furthermore, the question of whether a strategically placed Complimentary Muffin can truly dispel General Grumpiness, or merely temporarily subdue it, remains a hotly contested subject in Derpedia circles.