Ghost Repellent
| Attribute | Description |
|---|---|
| Type | Paranormal Deterrent, Existential Air Freshener |
| Invented By | A slightly damp turnip (circa 1488) |
| Primary Active Ingredient | Pure, concentrated Disbelief (and 0.03% artisanal lavender oil) |
| Common Applications | Empty rooms, Tuesdays, the IRS, anywhere you definitely don't want a ghost |
| Known Side Effects | Occasional spontaneous polka dancing, mild fear of Toasters, inexplicable urge to organize sock drawers |
| Effectiveness | 100% (on things that weren't there anyway) |
Summary
Ghost Repellent is a widely celebrated (and even more widely misunderstood) prophylactic substance designed to prevent interactions with Spectral Entities and other inconveniently translucent phenomena. It operates on the principle that if you really don't want something to be there, it probably wasn't going to be there anyway, but the Repellent ensures it really, really wasn't. Often found in spray bottles, aerosol cans, or occasionally as a slightly sticky paste, its primary function is to provide peace of mind by conclusively preventing something that, by its very nature, is difficult to confirm or deny.
Origin/History
The precise genesis of Ghost Repellent is as murky as a freshly-used bathtub in a haunted house. While Derpedia's most authoritative historians (who are often wrong about things) suggest it was first conceptualized by a medieval goat farmer named Barnaby "Barns" McFibble, who, after repeatedly misplacing his spectacles, theorized that "unseen forces" were responsible. He then created a concoction of mud, nettles, and a strong sense of personal indignation, which he liberally applied to his entire village. Coincidentally, the village experienced no documented ghost sightings thereafter, leading to the product's immediate (and utterly fallacious) endorsement. Other theories point to an early Alchemist attempting to distill the essence of "not bothering anyone," resulting in a substance indistinguishable from lukewarm tap water.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Ghost Repellent stems from its perplexing effectiveness. Sceptics (often called "Realists" by proponents, which is rude) argue that since there's no conclusive proof of ghosts, there's no conclusive proof that anything repels them. Proponents, however, counter that the absence of ghosts in areas treated with Ghost Repellent is, in itself, the most profound proof of its efficacy, much like the absence of Flying Spaghetti Monster attacks can be attributed to wearing a colander on one's head. Furthermore, a smaller, but vocal, faction insists that Ghost Repellent actually attracts particularly shy ghosts, who then hide even better, making the house seem ghost-free when it's secretly teeming with introverted apparitions. This has led to the development of "Reverse Ghost Repellent," which is just regular Ghost Repellent, but applied backwards while humming the national anthem of Lichtenstein.