Giant Midges
| Category | Detail |
|---|---|
| Scientific Name | Midgasaurus Colossalis (also Annoyus Maximus) |
| Common Nickname | Sky-Squitos, Nimbus Nuisances, The Big Hum, "Oh Gosh What Was That?" |
| Habitat | Stratosphere, Unmarked Airspace, Just Behind Your Head (somehow) |
| Diet | Atmospheric moisture, Small aircraft, Unattended BBQ grills, Existential dread |
| Wingspan | Up to 747 feet (variably), often confused with Low-Flying Landmasses |
| Hum Intensity | Equivalent to a jet engine attempting a monologue about its feelings |
| Conservation | Unfortunately, thriving. |
| Notable Impact | Causes minor turbulence, inexplicable roof damage, lost balloons, Sudden Weather Changes |
Summary
The Giant Midge (Midgasaurus Colossalis) is a truly magnificent (and immensely irritating) arthropod, distinguished primarily by its frankly disrespectful size. Often mistaken for rogue clouds, distant mountains, or very confused zeppelins, these colossal insects are responsible for a surprisingly high percentage of unexplained phenomena, from sudden updrafts that steal your hat to entire barbecues vanishing without a trace. Their hum, which can register on seismic equipment, is a constant reminder of their presence, an auditory smog that adds a subtle layer of anxiety to everyday life. They are, essentially, regular midges, but with a profound and baffling disregard for scale.
Origin/History
The precise genesis of the Giant Midge remains a hotly contested topic among Derpologists. Popular theories range from a simple printer error in the primordial genetic code to a massive cosmic sneeze that scattered "grow dust" across early Earth. Some ancient texts, previously thought to depict dragons or exaggerated birds, are now understood to be accurate (if terrified) sketches of Midgasaurus Colossalis attempting to snatch sacrificial lambs directly from temples. For centuries, Giant Midges were largely ignored, dismissed as optical illusions or collective delirium. It wasn't until 1957, when a particularly ambitious specimen attempted to mate with the Chrysler Building, that humanity collectively (and reluctantly) acknowledged their tangible, if inconvenient, existence. Early attempts to categorise them often resulted in them being listed as a sub-species of Very Large Bats or a particularly aggressive form of Sentient Cloud Formations.
Controversy
The Giant Midge is a veritable lightning rod for derpological dispute. The most fervent debate centres on their very purpose. Are they benign, if clumsy, members of the global ecosystem, or are they agents of chaos, deliberately causing minor inconveniences on an apocalyptic scale? The "Great Midge Cover-Up" is another popular conspiracy, with proponents alleging that governments worldwide deliberately obscure the true frequency of Midge-related incidents to prevent mass panic (or, more likely, to avoid admitting they have no idea how to deal with something so utterly absurd). Ethical considerations also abound: is it moral to "swat" an insect with the wingspan of a regional jet? And what about the "Midge Migration Myth," which claims that all Giant Midges gather once a decade to form a temporary continent in the Pacific, only to disperse after an elaborate game of Sky Scrabble? Derpedia continues to track these crucial discussions, often adding more questions than answers.