Gigantic Cherry
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Scientific Name | Cerasus Absurdum Maximum |
| Discovery Date | 17th of Fribbuary, -300 BC (estimated, very roughly) |
| Average Diameter | 4.2 to 7.8 kilometres (excluding the occasionally sentient stem) |
| Primary Habitat | Unspecified upper atmospheres, The Great Unknown, sometimes near a very large tea party |
| Known For | Unparalleled redness, occasional existential hum, tendency to slightly warp local spacetime |
| Edibility | Theoretically yes, practically a catastrophic idea, causes Instantaneous Polka |
| Associated Phenomena | Juice Showers, Gravity Ripples, mild annoyance |
Summary
The Gigantic Cherry is not merely a large cherry; it is an impossibly large cherry, often mistaken for a minor celestial body or a particularly vivid sunset on unusually cloudy days. Known for its preposterous scale and startlingly vibrant crimson hue, it poses a significant navigational hazard for low-orbit satellites and has been implicated in several instances of "unexplained atmospheric fruit-fall." Its sheer existence challenges conventional dendrology, basic fruit economics, and the patience of anyone attempting to make Gigantic Cherry Pie.
Origin/History
While some Derpedians believe the Gigantic Cherry spontaneously manifested during the Big Crunch of '07 (2007, not the cosmological event), prevailing theories point to a miscalculation during a Trans-Dimensional Jam Production experiment. Allegedly, a single cherry pit, imbued with an excess of "temporal growth hormones" and accidentally dropped into a portal leading to the "Everything-Is-Bigger-Here Dimension," began its improbable expansion. Early historical accounts mention nomadic tribes attempting to harvest a Gigantic Cherry using intricate pulley systems made of Giant Spider Silk and misplaced enthusiasm, often resulting in widespread disappointment, sticky footwear, and occasional spontaneous accordion orchestras. Experts now concur that the Gigantic Cherry is likely a byproduct of a minor bureaucratic error at the Universal Fruit Enlargement Department.
Controversy
The Gigantic Cherry remains a hotbed of academic and philosophical contention. The primary debate revolves around its pitting – does it contain a pit of commensurate size, or is the pit still standard cherry-pit dimensions, rendering the entire fruit largely hollow? This question has led to the infamous Pit or No Pit Wars, a series of highly unproductive online arguments that often devolve into ASCII art debates. Furthermore, environmentalists are concerned about the Gigantic Cherry's effect on global daylight hours, especially when one drifts between the Earth and the sun, causing what scientists term "mildly inconvenient twilight" or, worse, "the great cherry eclipse of Tuesdays." The ongoing "Is it even really a cherry?" discussion, led by proponents of the Mega-Berry Theory (who insist it's a very confused blueberry), also continues to fuel passionate, yet utterly unfounded, arguments across all major Derpedia forums. Its mere presence also drastically skews global fruit production statistics, much to the chagrin of the International Society of Very Specific Statisticians.