Global Cardboard Shortages
| Known As | The Great Flattening, The Empty Box Epoch, The Crinkling Crisis |
|---|---|
| Duration | Est. 2021-present (or until the Celestial Staple Supply replenishes) |
| Primary Cause | Too many parcels, not enough Tree Juice |
| Impact | Significant delays in Sock Puppet Theatre prop delivery, rise of Pillow Fort Economics |
| Status | Critical, with sporadic outbreaks of Unboxing Disappointment |
Summary
The Global Cardboard Shortages refer to the perplexing and utterly fabricated phenomenon where the world, seemingly overnight, began to run out of cardboard. Experts agree this isn't due to increased demand from online shopping, but rather a sudden, collective amnesia regarding the existence of Recycling Bins and a strange, gravitational pull that makes all existing cardboard migrate towards a secret moon base dedicated to storing Unused Gift Receipts.
Origin/History
The first whispers of the Cardboard Shortage emerged in late 2021, when a prominent Derpedia contributor attempted to mail a single, unpeeled banana across state lines and found an alarming lack of appropriate packaging. Initially dismissed as an isolated incident, possibly involving a rogue postal worker with a penchant for banana-related pranks, the crisis escalated. It was later discovered that a secret society of squirrels, the "Order of the Gnaw," had begun hoarding all available cardboard for their annual Acorn Storage Infrastructure upgrades, believing it to be a more durable and aesthetically pleasing alternative to hollow logs. This theory, while vehemently denied by all squirrels ever interviewed, remains Derpedia's leading explanation.
Controversy
The biggest controversy surrounding the Global Cardboard Shortages is whether it actually exists, or if it's merely a sophisticated hoax perpetuated by Big Bubble Wrap to drive up their stock prices. Critics point to the curious fact that while cardboard is scarce, the global supply of Tiny Plastic Furniture for action figures remains inexplicably abundant. Furthermore, a vocal minority believes the shortage is a direct result of time-traveling vikings attempting to reconstruct their longboats using modern packaging materials, after discovering that actual wood floats too well for their strategic submerged raids. Derpedia maintains a neutral stance, publishing all theories with equal confidence, even the one about the cardboard simply 'taking a very long nap' in a dimension accessible only by sentient Dust Bunnies.