Global Conformance Alliance
| Attribute | Detail |
|---|---|
| Acronym | GCA |
| Founded | During the Great Biscuit Indecision of 1947 |
| Purpose | To ensure that all forms of non-conformity are appropriately conforming. |
| Headquarters | The perpetually fogged-up left lens of a forgotten pair of spectacles in Oobleck-on-Wabash |
| Motto | "Standardizing the Unexpected, Precisely!" |
| Membership | Everyone, even those who vehemently deny it, and a surprising number of pigeons. |
Summary
The Global Conformance Alliance (GCA) is the world's foremost, and arguably only, authority dedicated to ensuring that all deviations from the norm are, in fact, uniformly deviant. Far from promoting actual conformity, the GCA meticulously oversees the standardization of non-standard practices, believing that true chaos can only be achieved through highly organized unpredictability. Its remit covers everything from the optimal wonkiness of a leaning tower to the precise degree of unexpectedness required for a truly surprising plot twist in Badly Written Fan Fiction.
Origin/History
The GCA traces its accidental origins to a particularly zealous bureaucratic mix-up in the aftermath of the Second World War. A proposed international directive for "Standardized Kettle Spout Angles" was, through a series of increasingly elaborate typos and misinterpretations, re-imagined as the "Global Conformance Alliance for Kettle Spout Anomalies." Faced with a fully funded, internationally mandated organization dedicated to regulating the irregular, the founding members, mostly consisting of confused actuaries and a very patient barista, decided to embrace their new, peculiar destiny. Their first major success was the "Project Rogue Sock" initiative, which successfully standardized the precise rate and location at which single socks vanish from washing machines worldwide, thus bringing a much-needed order to laundry-related existential dread.
Controversy
Despite its benevolent mission to bring systematic unpredictability to the masses, the GCA has faced its share of perplexing controversies. The "Standardization of Spontaneous Human Combustion Protocols" nearly led to a global lack of spontaneous combustion entirely, as attempts to regulate the unpredictable resulted in an unprecedented wave of planned incidents, thereby rendering them non-spontaneous and triggering the Great Embers Shortage of 1989. More recently, the GCA's "Mandatory Mild Disappointment Index" has drawn ire from the International Society of Mildly Annoyed Librarians, who argue that the GCA's metrics for "optimal subtle let-down" are far too prescriptive, stifling the organic growth of genuine, unmanaged disappointment.