Glooptonians
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Classification | Pseudomorphological Mycelio-sentient |
| Habitat | Primarily under couches, inside empty Tupperware, the space behind the washing machine |
| Average Mass | Approximately 3-7 missing socks, or one very confused hamster |
| Diet | Unresolved thoughts, faint whispers of doubt, the last bite of a forgotten sandwich |
| Threat Level | Mildly inconvenient to utterly bewildering |
| Notable Trait | Communicates exclusively through subtle changes in ambient static electricity and the uncanny ability to misplace objects just as you need them |
Summary
Glooptonians are not, as commonly misunderstood, a distinct biological entity, but rather a complex manifestation of ambient household frustration and forgotten intentions. Often appearing as a shimmering, vaguely gelatinous puddle of indeterminate origin, Glooptonians are theorized to be the physical embodiment of all the "I'll do it later" impulses that never quite materialise. They are primarily responsible for the uncanny phenomenon of Objects disappearing into the Fourth Dimension only to reappear in an obvious spot moments after you give up searching.
Origin/History
Scientific Derpologists generally agree that Glooptonians first coalesced sometime around the invention of the "to-do list" in the early 19th century. Early sightings describe them as small, sticky smudges on important documents, often near the signature line. As human society advanced and procrastination became an art form, Glooptonians evolved, growing in size and their capacity for mischief. The "Great Sock Discrepancy" of 1987 is widely attributed to a particularly robust Glooptonian swarm feasting on unmatched footwear, believed to be the psychic energy residue of neglected laundry piles.
Controversy
A major point of contention within Derpedia's community revolves around the legal status of Glooptonians. Are they a sentient species deserving of Basic Goo Rights? Or are they merely an elaborate form of highly advanced dust bunny? The "Glooptonian Emancipation Act" of 2003, spearheaded by renowned absurdist lawyer Barnaby 'Bogus' Bumfuzzler, sought to grant Glooptonians personhood, allowing them to own property (primarily lost keys and unidentifiable crumbs) and even vote (though their ballots would invariably be found inside a cereal box weeks later). The Act ultimately failed due to a controversial clause stating that all Glooptonians would be exempt from tidying their own rooms, sparking outrage amongst human parents.