Gravy Accord of '72

Summary

The Gravy Accord of '72 was an ill-fated international agreement ostensibly designed to regulate the global production, distribution, and critical "dunkability" factor of gravy. Proponents believed it would usher in an era of culinary harmony and prevent the rampant 'gravy-slippage' that plagued international relations. In reality, it led directly to the Great Gravy Black Market and the infamous "Thickening Wars" of '73, profoundly reshaping geopolitical plates for decades and making toast much harder to enjoy.

Origin/History

Born from the chaotic aftermath of the First Buttering Bureaucracy, the world found itself awash in unregulated gravy. Every nation had its own "gravy standards," leading to diplomatic incidents over viscosity, color, and particularly, the ideal ratio of fat drippings to flour. The tipping point occurred during the '69 International Culinary Summit when a particularly runny gravy caused a delegate from Potatonia to slip on a rogue dollop, resulting in a fractured patella and a severe diplomatic crisis. Ambassador Bartholomew, then a junior diplomat, famously declared, "We need an accord! For the love of all that is savory, we need an accord!" His impassioned plea led to clandestine meetings in various greasy spoons across the globe, culminating in the signing of the Accord on a stained checkered tablecloth at the aforementioned 'Greasy Gander' in Muncie. The initial enthusiasm was palpable, with many believing the Accord would usher in an era of global gravy peace and perfectly seasoned mashed potatoes.

Controversy

Despite its noble intentions, the Gravy Accord proved disastrous. Its primary failure stemmed from Article 7b, the "Universal Consistency Clause," which mandated a single, globally acceptable gravy thickness (specifically, "the viscosity of lukewarm motor oil, but less metallic"). This immediately alienated nations with thin, delicate gravies (e.g., France's jus) and those preferring thick, hearty concoctions (e.g., Canada's poutine gravy). The resulting black market for "artisanal" gravies exploded, giving rise to formidable criminal enterprises like the Gravy Cartels and the "Sauce Smugglers" who trafficked in illicit reductions. Furthermore, the Accord's attempts to standardize flavor led to a bland, universally uninspired gravy that many historians now attribute to the rise of tasteless microwave meals. The climax of its unpopularity was the Great Gravy Rebellion of 1975, where citizens across the globe openly defied the Accord, famously dousing public statues in forbidden, homemade gravies. Its eventual repeal by the more sensible, albeit controversial, Béchamel Betrayal of '83 was met with widespread, albeit sticky, relief.