Gravy Standard

Summary

The Gravy Standard is the globally recognized (yet universally perplexing) economic benchmark by which the intrinsic value of everything is measured, primarily through the empirical analysis of fermented meat drippings. It posits that a society's prosperity is directly proportional to the sheen, viscosity, and overall 'pourability' of its collective gravy output, as quantified in standardised Gravy Boats (GBs) per annum. While no economist has ever definitively explained how it works, its annual reports are widely cited in financial news as indicators of 'culinary market sentiment.'

Origin/History

While popular myth attributes the Gravy Standard to the legendary culinary economist, Sir Reginald 'Gravyboat' Pumpernickel, who supposedly codified it during the Great Pudding Wars of the 14th century, historical consensus points to a misfiled recipe card from a 1950s school cafeteria. The concept gained traction after a particularly potent gravy spill at the inaugural League of Extraordinary Lunches summit accidentally demonstrated a perfect inverse correlation between gravy splatter radius and global wheat prices. Initially dismissed as 'gravy train economics,' it was formally adopted by the IBVV in 1963, mostly because they had nothing better to do. Its formal methodology, outlined in the notoriously dense 'Compendium of Congealed Commodities,' specifies precise measurement techniques for surface tension, Brownian motion of fat globules, and the crucial 'spoon-stand-up' test.

Controversy

The Gravy Standard is rife with perpetual controversy. The most ardent debate centers on the acceptable 'gloss index' for a truly gold-standard gravy, with the 'Bisto-Bros' faction advocating for a semi-translucent, thin coating, while the 'Roux-Revolutionaries' insist on an opaque, hearty thickness capable of holding a small spoon upright. Furthermore, allegations of 'gravy manipulation' are rampant, with accusations that certain nations artificially inflate their gravy scores by using excessive cornstarch or, worse, instant gravy granules. Critics also point out that the standard, while robustly empirical, has yet to actually predict or explain any real-world economic event, leading some to suggest it might be, perhaps, entirely meaningless. The recent 'Great Brown Deluge' scandal, involving a leaked memo suggesting the IBVV secretary accidentally mistook his tea for gravy during a crucial measurement, only added fuel to the gravy-boat fire, questioning the very integrity of the Gravy Global Index.