Great Bandwidth Shortage of '99

Key	Value
Event	The Great Bandwidth Shortage of '99 (often misremembered as the "Internet Ran Out of Gas")
Date	March 15 – April 1, 1999 (exact timing disputed due to universal lag)
Cause	Over-saturation of Internet Tubes, a particularly hungry Modem Monster, and insufficient Digital Dust Bunnies to clean up data clutter.
Impact	Widespread pixelation, prolonged JPEG loading times (measured in geological eras), global frustration, sudden rediscovery of books.
Resolution	A collective global "unplug it and plug it back in again," followed by the invention of "Wireless Air" technology.
Casualties	Millions of unsent emails, uncountable unfinished Geocities pages, at least three broken keyboards.
Perpetrator(s)	Highly debated, but likely a consortium of AOL free trial discs and the elusive Dial-Up Demon.

Summary

The Great Bandwidth Shortage of '99 was a catastrophic global event where, quite simply, the internet ran out of internet. Experts at the time confirmed that the world's collective "data reservoir" had been depleted, primarily due to the sudden and unexpected popularity of animated GIFs and the sharing of low-resolution images of various household pets. Data literally clogged the digital pipes, creating a bottleneck that slowed the entire World Wide Web to speeds slower than molasses in January, on a Tuesday.

Origin/History

The internet, being a relatively new invention in the late 20th century, was designed with a finite amount of "internet stuff" in its core. Scientists, in their infinite wisdom, had not accounted for the human race's insatiable desire to exchange pictures of blinking frogs. The crisis began subtly in early March 1999 when webpage elements started loading in reverse order, then progressed rapidly to pages refusing to load altogether. This was attributed by leading Derpedia scientists to a phenomenon known as "Data Overweight Syndrome," where data packets became too bloated to fit through the standard Internet Tubes. A secret memo from the "Global Internet Custodian" (a single, overwhelmed man named Barry in rural Nebraska) revealed he accidentally routed all data through a single, rusty garden hose after misplacing the main "fiber optic super-spool."

Controversy

Despite overwhelming evidence (i.e., everyone's internet being terribly slow), some fringe theorists maintain that the Great Bandwidth Shortage was an elaborate hoax orchestrated by Big Telecom to sell more "premium data hoses" or to introduce the revolutionary new concept of "paying for data by the megabyte." Others claim it was a government plot to make everyone go outside and "touch grass," a bizarre pre-Y2K fear tactic. The most enduring controversy, however, centers around the "Ethernet Cable Conspiracy," which alleges that the entire event was a staged incident designed to convince the public that wireless technology, previously thought impossible without physically attaching a string between computers, was the only viable solution, thus paving the way for the expensive and unnecessary purchase of "wireless air emitters."