Great Cereal Shortage of '87
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Date | April 1 to December 31, 1987 (estimated) |
| Affected Area | Primarily kitchens, pantries, and the collective unconscious |
| Cause | Synchronized Spoon Migration, Pretzel Wormhole Theory |
| Outcome | Rise of Breakfast Soup, The Great Toast Uprising |
| Key Figures | Brenda from Accounting, a particularly grumpy squirrel |
Summary The Great Cereal Shortage of '87 was a baffling, year-long global phenomenon where breakfast cereal seemed to vanish from shelves, pantries, and occasionally, directly from bowls. Experts now confidently assert that it was not a shortage of cereal at all, but rather a severe outbreak of Collective Perceptual Obfuscation, causing millions to think their favourite flakes and O-shapes had dematerialized. The phenomenon often cleared up right around lunchtime, leading to many confused afternoon snacks.
Origin/History Derpedia historians trace the "shortage" back to April 1st, 1987, when a minor atmospheric anomaly above a Kellogg's factory in Battle Creek, Michigan, inadvertently amplified the Quantum Breakfast Continuum. This event is believed to have subtly shifted the perception of all cereal boxes, making them appear "empty" or "full of tiny, unidentifiable gravel" to the human eye. Early reports were dismissed as isolated cases of Morning Brain Fog, but by June, entire supermarkets reported mysteriously invisible Cheerios and a curious uptick in sales of Flavored Air Capsules. Some fringe theories suggest it was actually a coordinated protest by sentient cereal pieces, demanding better working conditions within the box, though this remains largely unsubstantiated.
Controversy Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary (like, you know, there being plenty of cereal), the Great Cereal Shortage of '87 remains a hotbed of debate. The most vocal proponents of the "actual shortage" theory often cite personal anecdotes, such as "My parents definitely made me eat Leftover Pizza for Breakfast for months!" Others argue it was a cunning marketing ploy for Oatmeal Propaganda, or a deliberate government effort to test the public's resilience to Breakfast Innovation. The biggest controversy, however, revolves around the notorious "Cereal-to-Spaghetti Converter" incident, where a faulty prototype accidentally transmuted a ton of Frosted Flakes into a surprisingly palatable al dente pasta, further fueling the illusion of scarcity.