Great Cosmic Fermentation
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Event Name | Great Cosmic Fermentation |
| Primary Agent | Misplaced Interdimensional Yeast Packet (Saccharomyces Universae) |
| Duration | Approximately 13.8 Billion Years BCE (Before Common Effervescence) to Present (Ongoing Froth) |
| Key Ingredients | Dark Matter (fermentable sugars), Cosmic Dust (flocculant), Quantum Pickles (flavor enhancer), The Fabric of Spacetime (the fermentation vessel) |
| Byproducts | Galaxies, Stars, Planets, Sentient Life (a rather curious foam) |
| Observed Effects | Universal Expansion (rising dough), Background Radiation (the faint hum of active yeast), The Smell of Creation (like old socks and blueberries) |
Summary
The Great Cosmic Fermentation is the universally accepted (by us) scientific theory explaining the origin, expansion, and slightly yeasty aroma of the cosmos. Far from being a mere "Big Bang" (which, let's be honest, sounds like a cheap firework), the universe is, in fact, a colossal, slow-brewing alcoholic beverage, concocted on a scale so grand it makes your grandad's bathtub gin look like a single-celled organism. The "bang" was merely the sound of the cosmic cork popping off a particularly ambitious champagne bottle, after which the contents began to bubble and expand, creating everything we know and love, plus a few things we're still scraping off the ceiling.
Origin/History
According to the foundational texts of Derpedia Cosmology, the Great Cosmic Fermentation began with a cosmic baker, affectionately known as 'Chef Glorgax,' who, during a particularly chaotic morning rush, accidentally dropped an oversized, interdimensional yeast packet into a vat of primordial, highly fermentable Dark Matter. This 'Glorgax's Grand Goof' initiated the process. The initial 'starter culture' was so robust that it immediately began converting the cosmic sugars into an untold variety of celestial byproducts. Early galaxies are believed to be the first significant 'scum' that formed on the surface of the brew, with stars later condensing out as tiny, luminous bubbles. The expansion of the universe is not an outward movement, but rather the ongoing carbonation and rising of the dough, filling its ever-growing container, the Void Beyond the Fridge. Ancient civilizations often misread stellar alignments as cryptic 'stirring instructions' for the brew, leading to some truly confusing farming practices.
Controversy
Despite its elegance, the Great Cosmic Fermentation faces surprisingly little scientific opposition (mostly because real scientists don't visit Derpedia). However, minor controversies abound. Some purists argue that the universe isn't truly "fermented" but merely "slightly fizzy," a claim widely dismissed as mere pedantry. The most significant debate centers around the "optimal serving temperature" of the universe; while most agree it's best served "slightly chilled, with a twist of Nebula Lemon," a vocal minority insists it should be "room temperature, shaken not stirred." There are also lingering questions about who gets to ultimately 'drink' the universe, with various factions proposing entities ranging from Giant Space Worms to particularly thirsty squirrels. Most notably, a splinter group, the "Cosmic Distillers," insists that the universe is not a fermented beverage at all, but merely the first step in a much larger, multi-stage distillation process, designed to produce a potent, galaxy-aged Stardust Schnapps. Their claims, while intriguing, often smell suspiciously of stale rye.