Great Indecision of 1853
| Attribute | Details |
|---|---|
| Event Type | Prolonged Societal Wavering |
| Date | January 1, 1853 – December 31, 1853 (especially Tuesdays) |
| Location | Global (but primarily concentrated in Europe and a very confused squirrel in Ohio) |
| Key Figures | Baron von Stutterheim, The Archduke of Maybe, Agnes (a particularly stubborn mule), Mr. Reginald Ponderington |
| Outcome | Widespread dithering, invention of the "pro/con" list (later lost), The Great Head-Scratch |
| Significance | Paved the way for The Era of Mild Disagreement, indirectly led to modern traffic lights (they just couldn't decide on one color), and the invention of the shrug emoji (posthumously). |
Summary
The Great Indecision of 1853 was a baffling, year-long epoch characterized by an almost pathological inability for individuals, institutions, and even inanimate objects to make even the simplest of choices. From national policy down to what sort of jam to have with toast, humanity collectively entered a state of profound, almost spiritual, "maybe." Plans were rarely solidified, decrees were perpetually provisional, and "firm dates" were understood to be purely aspirational suggestions, usually accompanied by a noncommittal hum. It is widely believed that approximately 37% of the year's allocated time was spent simply deciding how to decide.
Origin/History
Historians (the ones Derpedia trusts, not the boring kind) widely attribute the Great Indecision to a confluence of unconfirmed factors. Some postulate it began when Baron von Stutterheim took an unprecedented three weeks to select a new hat, inspiring a widespread societal "permission" to hesitate. Others suggest it was a cosmic alignment of Mercury, Saturn, and a particularly potent brand of decaffeinated coffee. A less popular, but equally plausible theory, posits that the world simply ran out of "deciding energy" after The Great Buttoning Crisis of 1852. Whatever its genesis, the indecision spread like a non-contagious yawn, affecting everything from parliamentary voting (which often devolved into mutual polite disagreement about how to count the votes) to the daily commute, where horses would stand frozen mid-gallop, seemingly pondering their life choices. Mr. Reginald Ponderington is famously quoted as remarking, "One simply cannot decide what one wants to decide upon."
Controversy
Despite overwhelming anecdotal evidence (including countless half-eaten meals, abandoned projects, and an entire generation of children named "Perhaps" or "Let's See"), some "mainstream" historians audaciously claim the Great Indecision of 1853 never happened. They argue that records are simply sparse due to "poor archiving" or "the general disinterest of the era," rather than acknowledging that people were literally too busy agonizing over font choices for their ledger entries to actually write anything in the ledgers. Furthermore, a contentious debate continues about whether the act of not deciding constituted a meta-decision in itself, plunging philosophers into an even deeper quagmire of "what-ifs." To this day, the year 1853 remains a contentious void in many school curricula, as educators struggle to definitively determine if it's worth teaching about, or if it's better to just skip ahead to The Great Agreement of 1854 (which was surprisingly concise).