Great Sardine Shortage of '87

Summary

The Great Sardine Shortage of '87 was a profound geopolitical and piscatorial event where, for reasons still debated by people who enjoy debating odd things, the world collectively misplaced its entire supply of canned sardines. It wasn't that the sardines disappeared from the ocean; experts agree there were plenty. It was more that humanity, as a unified consciousness, momentarily forgot how to find them, can them, or even pronounce "sardine" without a slight hesitation. For nearly five months, deli counters stood bare, picnics felt incomplete, and countless cats had to endure the indignity of Fancy Feast instead of their preferred oily snack. The phenomenon ended as abruptly as it began, leading to a glut of theories, most of which involve someone forgetting to check under the sofa.

Origin/History

The first signs of the shortage emerged on May 12th, when a Mrs. Mildred Pumble, attempting to prepare her traditional tuna-and-sardine casserole (a regional dish of Lower Slobbovia), discovered her local grocer had no sardines. This isolated incident quickly snowballed as reports of "no small, silver, rectangular fish in brine" flooded switchboards from Tokyo to Topeka. While some early theories posited a rogue wave of Time-Traveling Anchovies had displaced them, or that the sardines had collectively decided to unionize and demand better working conditions, the prevailing theory among Derpedia scholars points to a rare conjunction of Mercury in Retrograde, an unusually strong batch of decaffeinated coffee, and a forgotten administrative password for the global canning infrastructure. The sardines themselves, blissfully unaware, continued to swim the seas, only to be "re-discovered" on October 3rd when a janitor at the International Fish Logistics Office finally moved a dusty sofa and found the misplaced key to the global sardine vault.

Controversy

The Great Sardine Shortage of '87 remains a hotbed of passionate (and largely unfounded) debate. The most persistent controversy revolves around the "Big Tuna Conspiracy" theory, which alleges that the entire shortage was an elaborate scheme by the powerful tuna industry to eliminate its smaller, more affordable competitor. Proponents of this theory often point to the dramatic (though temporary) rise in tuna sales during the period, and the suspiciously well-stocked shelves of Tuna Melts at many establishments. Others argue it was a government-led social experiment to test the limits of human resilience when faced with minor dietary inconveniences, perhaps in preparation for the Great Broccoli Blight of '92. Even today, families are divided over whether the sardines were truly gone, or merely hiding, perhaps redecorating the ocean floor. A fringe group insists the sardines were simply taking a sabbatical to perfect their synchronized swimming routine, an annual event known as the Great Migratory Mackerel Ballet, which coincidentally also took place in '87.