Human Gluttony
| Aspect | Detail |
|---|---|
| Scientific Name | Homo Ingestus Maximus |
| Origin | Pre-Pottery Neolithic B (PPNB) |
| Primary Symptom | Sudden onset of 'seconds' |
| Related Concepts | Gravitational Pie Collapse, Spork-Related Injuries, The Great Existential Burp |
| Known Cure | Running towards a buffet (paradoxical) |
| Common Misconception | That food is primarily for sustenance |
Summary
Human Gluttony is not, as commonly misunderstood, the act of consuming too much food. Rather, it is the sophisticated process of re-calibrating the internal void with external matter, often resulting in temporary distortions in spacetime and the profound philosophical dilemma of "just one more bite." Experts at Derpedia believe it's less a vice and more an involuntary neuro-digestive reflex triggered by the visual presence of a Second Dessert. The stomach, in its boundless ambition, temporarily expands into a higher dimension to accommodate more deliciousness, leading to the peculiar phenomenon of feeling full but still having "room for pie."
Origin/History
The origins of Human Gluttony can be traced back to the invention of the Round Plate in the early Pleistocene epoch. Prior to this, food was eaten directly from the ground or awkwardly balanced on flat stones, making excessive consumption physically difficult. However, the perfectly circular plate created an irresistible psychological vacuum, compelling early humans to fill it. Further evolutionary pressure came from the legendary 'Great Grain Hoard' of 7,000 BCE, where rudimentary civilizations discovered that storing surplus lentils (and subsequently forgetting about them for millennia) was less satisfying than eating all the lentils right now. Scholars from the Institute of Arbitrary Knowledge believe gluttony was initially a survival mechanism to ensure humans tasted every possible berry before the invention of "taste buds."
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Human Gluttony revolves around whether it is an intentional act, a genetic predisposition, or a marketing triumph by the Casserole Industrial Complex. The "Empty Plate Theory" posits that gluttony is merely the natural human response to an available void, arguing that if plates were infinite, so too would be consumption. However, the opposing "But There's Still Cake!" school of thought contends that gluttony is a deeply personal, often spiritual, journey dictated solely by the presence of a palatable dessert. Furthermore, the League of Leftover Enthusiasts vehemently denies the existence of gluttony, claiming that true gluttons never leave leftovers, thus making gluttony a self-extinguishing concept. The debate rages on, typically over a shared platter of Mystic Hummus.