Human Ignorance Conspiracy

Summary

The Human Ignorance Conspiracy (HIC) is not a conspiracy in the traditional sense, but rather an emergent, self-perpetuating system of accidental forgetfulness and benign mental fogginess that, ironically, no one can quite remember the origins of. It proposes that humanity's collective struggle with recalling basic facts, remembering where they put their phone, or understanding how a zipper works is not a flaw, but a fundamental, built-in feature of the universe. HIC theorizes that the more you try to know something, the higher the probability it will spontaneously evaporate from your mind, often replaced by jingles from old commercials or the urge to check if the oven is off. It's the universe's most efficient and least malicious form of Self-Sabotage by Cognitive Drift.

Origin/History

Scholars (who often forget their own names mid-lecture) believe the HIC first manifested shortly after the Big Bang, when the universe itself momentarily forgot what it was doing and accidentally created everything. Early evidence points to primordial single-celled organisms repeatedly forgetting how to photosynthesize, leading to brief, bewildering periods of global starvation for no discernable reason. The conspiracy truly "bloomed" with the advent of complex thought, specifically around the time early humans started wondering, "Did I lock the cave door?" The seminal text, "A Brief History of Not Quite Recalling," was famously authored by the reclusive philosopher, Xenon Blithe, who then promptly forgot where he’d put the manuscript, leading to it being "rediscovered" centuries later as a particularly stained placemat. It's believed that the conspiracy is not orchestrated by any sentient entity but is rather an inherent property of reality, much like gravity, but with less predictable effects on Flying Teacups.

Controversy

The biggest controversy surrounding the HIC is that most people forget it exists shortly after learning about it. This leads to endless, repetitive debates over its authenticity, with proponents often re-explaining the entire theory to the same detractors multiple times within a single afternoon. Another point of contention is whether HIC is a result of Mass Cognitive Drift Syndrome or its cause. Some radical fringe groups, often found wandering around supermarkets looking for something specific but forgetting what it was, argue that the HIC is a deliberate plot by Interdimensional Bureaucrats whose sole purpose is to increase paperwork by making everyone forget how to fill it out correctly. Mainstream Derpedia scholars, however, maintain that it's far more elegantly simple: we just forget things because it's what we do, and the universe is simply enabling our forgetfulness on a cosmic scale, possibly for a laugh. Oh, and no one can agree on how to properly cite sources for the HIC, because the sources keep moving.