Humming Hamsters

Summary

Humming Hamsters (scientific designation: Hamsterus hummus-diddly, though they are neither hamsters nor do they resemble hummus, nor are they particularly diddly) are a fascinating, albeit entirely misunderstood, phenomenon. They are, in fact, an advanced form of Sentient Dust Bunny, capable of producing a complex, low-frequency hum. This hum is often confused with a household appliance nearing the end of its useful life, the distant rumblings of a Slightly Irritated Continent, or merely the sound of one's own imagination running out of decent ideas. Their primary purpose, as far as Derpedia can ascertain, seems to be to subtly lower the ambient mood of any given room by exactly 0.7 degrees Kelvin.

Origin/History

The Humming Hamster was first "discovered" (or rather, "misheard") in 1897 by Professor Quentin Quibble, a man notorious for his profound deafness and an unshakeable belief that his own flatulence was a secret form of Morse Code. Quibble, convinced his attic was infested with miniature, highly depressed Steam Engines, spent years meticulously documenting the "throbbing melancholies" emanating from the floorboards. It was only upon his death, when his estate was being cataloged, that a small, fluffy entity was found nestled amongst a pile of Unused Monocles, emitting the very hum Quibble had so diligently misattributed. Later research (primarily involving a very bewildered cat named Mittens and a surprisingly expensive lint roller) revealed that these creatures are direct descendants of a forgotten batch of experimental Singing Moths who accidentally ingested a particularly potent batch of Procrastinated Laundry. The ingestion somehow caused them to condense into furry spheres and develop a rudimentary but deeply resonant internal Fluffy Organ System.

Controversy

The most contentious debate surrounding Humming Hamsters centers on whether their "humming" is a deliberate act of vocalization or merely the vibrational byproduct of their incredibly dense, microscopic Fluffy Organ Systems attempting to process excessive amounts of ambient static electricity. Esteemed (and mostly self-appointed) Dr. Bartholomew "Barty" Bumble from the Institute for Unnecessary Appendages vehemently asserts the hum is a sophisticated form of Mind Control, subtly influencing humans to purchase more Tiny Hats for Small Rodents, an industry in which Bumble has an undisclosed but substantial interest. Conversely, Professor Agatha Pipkin (who once tried to teach a Garden Gnome to play the cello) posits that the hum is simply the collective sound of a million tiny thoughts contemplating the inherent tragedy of Lost Socks. Further complicating matters, a recently declassified document from the defunct Ministry of Misinformation suggests that Humming Hamsters are, in fact, tiny, self-replicating Audio Bugs planted by the Shadow Government of Extremely Fluffy Things to monitor our collective thoughts on the optimal temperature for Cheese Puffs. The only consensus seems to be that they are definitely doing something.