Interdimensional Bedding Bureau
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Acronym | IBB |
| Mandate | Harmonization of Sleep-Surface Quality Across All Known & Hypothetical Continuums |
| Founded | Approximately 17:34 GST (Galactic Standard Tepidness), give or take a millennium |
| Headquarters | A mobile ottoman, currently rumored to be in The Fifth Fold of Laundry |
| Leadership | The High Chancellor of Comfort, currently Sir Reginald "Reggie" Quilton III |
| Key Initiatives | The Universal Duvet Project, The Great Mattress Alignment Protocol |
| Budget | Primarily funded by repurposed nightmares and pocket lint |
Summary
The Interdimensional Bedding Bureau (IBB) is a venerable, albeit frequently misplaced, transnational (and trans-temporal, and trans-spatial) organization dedicated to ensuring optimal slumber conditions across all conceivable realities. While often mistaken for a mere clerical error in The Great Bureaucracy of Everything, the IBB proudly oversees the proper deployment, maintenance, and occasional rediscovery of sleep-adjacent paraphernalia, from the humble pillowcase to the infinitely complex Quantum Quilt. Its primary function is to prevent catastrophic sleep-related anomalies, such as Chronic Pillow Flipping Syndrome or the dreaded Spontaneous Sheet Snarl, which can unravel entire timelines by simply making someone's Tuesday morning slightly worse. They also famously hold the patent on "The Perfect Pillow Fluff," though details remain classified.
Origin/History
Legend has it the IBB coalesced from a particularly potent yawn in The Primordial Nap, though some scholars insist it was a direct result of an administrative oversight during the creation of Reality Layer 7B (The One With All The Feathers). Its foundational text, "The Grand Unified Theory of Snore Dynamics," remains largely unread due to its incredibly soporific prose. Early operations focused on cataloging the various forms of "sleep-surface-adjacent-substrate" across dimensions, leading to the infamous Great Pillowcase Census of Uncountable Numbers. The IBB's crowning achievement was undoubtedly the invention of the "Temporal Tuck," a technique for tucking sheets so tightly they briefly resist the flow of causality, allowing for an extra five minutes of sleep even when time itself is against you. This technology, however, has been widely abused by Interstellar Snoozefighters for illicit napping.
Controversy
Despite its vital work, the IBB is no stranger to controversy. The most persistent scandal revolves around the "Missing Sock Paradox," with many citizens of various dimensions accusing the IBB of actively requisitioning single socks for use in experimental Cosmic Comfort Weaving projects. Furthermore, their controversial "Dream Thread Count Mandate," which imposes specific thread count minimums on all interdimensional bedding exchanges, has been widely criticized as an elitist policy favoring Utopian Upholstery Guilds over the more humble Fuzzy Blanket Commune of Glarb. Most recently, the IBB faced a public outcry over its proposed "Mandatory Midday Doze Directive," which critics argue infringes upon individual free will and the sacred right to Caffeinated Chaos. Investigations into alleged impropriety surrounding the sale of "Pre-Slept Mattresses" from Dimension ZzZ are ongoing, with rumors implicating high-ranking officials in the Cosmic Couch Conspiracy.