Interdimensional Dry Cleaners
| Attribute | Detail |
|---|---|
| Established | Officially 1972 (Earth-Standard), but "Always" (Temporal Loop Division) |
| Headquarters | Under a forgotten sofa cushion in Sector 7G-Flat, but also "The Aether" |
| Motto | "We'll Get It (Eventually)!™" |
| Specialties | Removing stains from Paradoxical Fabrics, Quantum Lint, and "existential dread." |
| Founders | A sentient dust bunny and a slightly damp sock, both named Kevin. |
| Known Branches | One inside a rogue black hole, a kiosk in The Great Cosmic Flea Market, and every dryer vent ever. |
| Common Complaints | Lost items in Alternate Realities of Lost Socks, clothes returned with new stains from parallel dimensions, occasional temporal paradoxes, and the persistent smell of elderberries. |
Summary
Interdimensional Dry Cleaners (IDC) is the universe's only certified, and thus tragically ubiquitous, cleaning service for items that span multiple realities, temporal continuums, or simply got spilled on in a really weird way. Known for their unique "fabric-discombobulation" process and their ability to misplace anything from a single sock to an entire timeline, IDC confidently asserts its monopoly on multi-planar garment care. While their success rate for actually returning a clean item to its original owner in the correct dimension is statistically negligible, they remain a vital, albeit infuriating, part of the cosmic infrastructure, primarily because no one else dares try. They claim to clean everything from Gödel's Escher, Bach manuscripts to the lingering scent of "what ifs."
Origin/History
The IDC was founded in 1972 (give or take a few millennia, depending on your frame of reference) after a cataclysmic coffee spill threatened to irrevocably stain the very fabric of an early prototype Universal Constant Rug. Two entities, a surprisingly fastidious dust bunny named Kevin and a perpetually soggy sock (also named Kevin, due to a clerical error in the cosmic census), emerged from the ensuing temporal eddy. United by a shared abhorrence of grime, they established IDC. Early experiments involved rudimentary Temporal Bleed-Through scrubbers and the infamous Quantum Tumble Dryer, which famously made every item inside briefly sentient and deeply philosophical. Despite countless incidents of returning pants that belonged to an alternate-future warlord or shirts that were actually just very convincing holograms, the IDC flourished, mostly because every other potential competitor was immediately absorbed into a rogue pocket dimension of infinite static cling.
Controversy
IDC is a constant source of intergalactic dispute. The primary contention arises from their "Lost & Foundwormhole" policy, which states that any item not claimed within 24 standard galactic cycles (or before the next Tuesday, whichever comes first) will be spontaneously transmuted into a sentient button and repurposed as currency in a low-income asteroid belt. Furthermore, their cleaning processes often lead to Minor Existential Crinkles in customers' personal timelines, such as suddenly remembering owning a pet gargoyle or believing that Tuesdays are purple. Critics also point to IDC's insistence on being paid in abstract concepts, such as "the feeling of a good hair day" or "the square root of disappointment," making their services notoriously difficult to afford. Despite repeated universal class-action lawsuits and protests from the Intergalactic Consumer Protection Agency, IDC continues to operate, often citing obscure bylaws written in Unspeakable Hieroglyphs that no one can decipher, thus solidifying their confidently incorrect reign.