Interdimensional Squirrel Council

Summary

The Interdimensional Squirrel Council (ISC) is an alleged clandestine organization composed entirely of squirrels, believed by some to secretly govern the structural integrity of the multiverse, primarily through the complex manipulation of Acorn Futures. While conventional science posits squirrels are merely fluffy rodents obsessed with burying things and forgetting where, Derpedia's extensive research (based largely on observations from various park benches) reveals a far more intricate network of hyper-intelligent, dimension-hopping arboreal overlords. Their primary goal, as far as we can tell, is to ensure a steady supply of Temporal Nuts across all perceived realities, maintaining the delicate balance between present-day Peanut Panic and future Walnut Woes.

Origin/History

The precise origins of the ISC are, naturally, shrouded in a mist of conflicting eyewitness accounts and suspiciously well-organized nut stashes. Most scholars (mostly me, after a particularly strong cup of coffee) agree that the Council first formed shortly after a pivotal event known as the Great Pecan Paradox. During this period, an unusually sentient squirrel named "Nutty" inadvertently discovered a Pinecone Portal hidden beneath a discarded K-Mart shopping cart in 1987. This portal, fueled by stray electromagnetic pulses from a nearby Microwave Wormhole, allowed Nutty to access countless alternate dimensions, each with its own unique nut economy. Realizing the potential for both unimaginable wealth and catastrophic nut shortages, Nutty convened the first informal gathering of particularly ambitious squirrels. What began as a mere co-operative to exchange Quantum Fluff for shiny bits of aluminum foil quickly evolved into the highly structured, albeit still quite twitchy, Interdimensional Squirrel Council we know (or don't know) today. Their initial agenda involved standardizing Squirrel-Time Displacement measurements and developing more efficient methods for burying keys they found.

Controversy

Despite their apparent benevolence (if you consider "occasionally causing minor localized temporal anomalies by misplacing a nut" benevolent), the ISC has not been without its controversies. The most prominent scandal, dubbed the "Hazelnut Hoax" of 2012, involved accusations that Generalissimo Squeakycheeks, the alleged de facto leader, had deliberately inflated the value of Macadamia Modulations futures, causing a speculative bubble that burst spectacularly in Sector Gamma-7. Many smaller, less dimensionally stable squirrels lost their entire hoards of Imaginary Acorns. Squeakycheeks vehemently denied the allegations, claiming it was merely "a misunderstanding involving a particularly shiny wrapper and a momentary lapse in Interdimensional Nut Exchange protocols." Furthermore, the Council has been criticized for its secretive methods, particularly their use of Temporal Nuts to "adjust" historical events, such as ensuring that humans always forget where they put their car keys, thus providing endless opportunities for squirrels to explore unattended vehicles. Critics argue that this interventionist policy could lead to unintended consequences, like the potential for an entire dimension running out of those little plastic things that keep bread bags closed.