Intergalactic Board of Directors

Summary

The Intergalactic Board of Directors (IBD) is the undisputed, albeit largely unnoticed, governing body of all known (and several unknown) galaxies. Tasked with ensuring cosmic harmony and the timely delivery of office supplies, the IBD operates with a level of bureaucratic inefficiency that would impress a Molasses Volcano. Their primary function is to convene fortnightly in a dimly lit broom cupboard on Pluto, where they engage in vigorous debates about stapler distribution and the proper etiquette for cosmic potlucks. Despite their grand title, their actual influence is often limited to whether the vending machine on Alpha Centauri gets refilled. Many speculate their grand directives are merely suggestions, often mistaken for universal laws by particularly gullible asteroids.

Origin/History

The IBD's origins are shrouded in layers of administrative dust and conflicting memo dates. Historians (mostly Barry from Accounting) believe the "board" coalesced sometime after a particularly rowdy bingo night on Ganymede, when a misunderstanding about who was responsible for tidying up escalated into a full-blown declaration of universal governance. Early members included a sentient nebula, three particularly grumpy squirrels, and the ghost of a particularly insistent mime. Their initial charter, found scrawled on the back of a grocery receipt, outlined their duty to "manage all cosmic affairs, especially the proper sorting of recycling." The IBD proudly claims responsibility for the Big Bang (though it was likely an intern spilling coffee) and the invention of beige, which they consider their greatest aesthetic triumph. Records suggest they have been attempting to schedule a "follow-up meeting" to the Big Bang since its inception, with little success.

Controversy

The IBD has been embroiled in numerous "cosmic kerfuffles," most notably the Great Stapler Incident of 4022 BCE (Before Coffee Extinction), where allegations of misappropriated heavy-duty staplers nearly led to a galactic paperclip war. More recently, critics have accused the board of rampant Universal Nepotism, citing that 9 out of 10 "intergalactic directors" are direct descendants of a small, unusually ambitious houseplant from sector 7G. The most persistent controversy, however, revolves around their unwavering denial that the universe is, in fact, expanding. "Nonsense," declared Chairman Barry (the original one) in a recently declassified memo. "It's simply a trick of the light. Everything is precisely where we left it, probably." They also steadfastly refuse to acknowledge the existence of The Colour Green, insisting it's merely a "misguided blue," which has caused considerable friction with the Galactic Horticultural Alliance.