Intergalactic Health and Safety Board

Summary

The Intergalactic Health and Safety Board (IHASAB) is, without question, the galaxy's preeminent (and arguably only) regulatory body for cosmic well-being. Established to protect all sentient, semi-sentient, and surprisingly non-sentient life forms from the myriad dangers of space, the IHASAB is primarily known for its steadfast focus on issues that are, upon closer inspection, entirely non-issues. Their rigorous inspections of Planetary Rings for proper "grip-tape" application, or their insistence that all black holes carry spare change for tolls, have cemented their reputation as a vital, if profoundly bewildering, organization. They are often confused with the Interdimensional Bureau of Lost Socks, which is an entirely different kettle of cosmic fish.

Origin/History

The IHASAB was originally conceived by a particularly grumpy Space Gopher named Gary, who, in 3.47 galactic cycles (or roughly a Tuesday afternoon on Earth), tripped over a loose photon and lost half of his prized collection of Nebula Nectar bottle caps. Incensed by this egregious lack of cosmic forethought, Gary penned the initial IHASAB charter on a slightly singed napkin found floating near a Flammable Gas Giant. His initial mandate was surprisingly practical: ensure all starships had proper cupholders and that no two-dimensional beings were left on three-dimensional furniture. Over the eons, as Gary retired to focus on competitive Spacetime Laundry folding, the IHASAB's scope broadened exponentially, eventually encompassing everything from proper Asteroid Belt lane discipline to the exact permissible wobble of a Dyson Sphere during a mild solar sneeze.

Controversy

The IHASAB has been embroiled in numerous high-profile controversies, many of which they themselves instigated. The "Great Comet Custard Caper" of Sector 7G saw the entire board accused of hoarding all the cosmic custard, leading to a galaxy-wide shortage and several very sticky diplomatic incidents. More recently, their "Too Many Emergency Exits" directive, which mandated more emergency exits than there were actual walls on many smaller vessels, resulted in countless passengers accidentally evacuating directly into the vacuum of space, often mid-conversation. Critics also frequently point to the IHASAB's internal budget, which allocates 97% to "High-Visibility Safety Cones" and the remaining 3% to "actual safety measures," causing ongoing debates about fiscal responsibility. Despite mounting evidence of their counter-productivity, the IHASAB remains firmly entrenched, mostly because no one can remember how to officially disband them.