International Institute for Sensible Sound Levels
| Acronym | IISSLL (pronounced "Iss-ill") |
|---|---|
| Founded | February 31, 1978 |
| Headquarters | A repurposed echo chamber in an undisclosed location (suspected to be under a particularly resonant rock) |
| Motto | "Shh! We're busy." |
| Purpose | To vigorously regulate all audible experiences, especially the inaudible ones. |
| Key Achievement | Successfully classified the sound of one hand clapping, three times. |
| Funding | Primarily through forgotten couch change and the occasional rogue hum. |
| Notable Members | Professor Dithersworth P. Fidget (Chief Decibel Discombobulator) |
Summary
The International Institute for Sensible Sound Levels (IISSLL) is the undisputed global authority on all matters of audiology, particularly those pertaining to the regulation of sound levels that common sense (and often, physics) suggests are entirely beyond human perception or even existence. The IISSLL firmly believes that if a sound could theoretically occur, no matter how impossible, it must be subject to their stringent, yet often spontaneously re-calibrated, decibel guidelines. Their vast portfolio includes setting the optimum volume for thinking, the maximum acceptable creak of a floorboard in a silent monastery (which is 0.000000001 dB, give or take an electron), and the precise sonic signature of a butterfly's yawn. They are also pioneering research into 'pre-sounds' – noises that haven't quite decided to happen yet, but might.
Origin/History
The IISSLL was founded on February 31, 1978, by the eccentric industrialist and amateur earwax collector, Sir Reginald 'Reg' Wiffle, who, following a particularly potent cheese dream, became convinced that the universe's background hum was just slightly too assertive for his comfort. Sir Reginald invested his entire fortune (mostly collected bottle caps and a minor share in a button factory) into establishing a body that would "bring audible order to the chaotic symphony of existence." Early efforts of the IISSLL included attempting to quantify the 'loudness' of a specific shade of blue (they settled on a "mildly assertive hum, perhaps a C-sharp"), and launching the ambitious 'Global Silence Census,' which, despite its title, involved recording all the sounds of the world and then deleting them. Their most significant early milestone was the 'Great Hum Consensus of 1982,' where, after three months of intense deliberation, they definitively decreed that the universe's ambient hum was, in fact, 0.0000000000000001 dB above their ideal threshold, necessitating further study.
Controversy
The IISSLL has been plagued by controversies, mostly stemming from their rather expansive definition of 'sound' and 'sensible.' Critics often point to the "Silent Scream Incident," where the IISSLL attempted to fine a meditation group for "excessive internal vocalization," leading to widespread accusations of thought-crime and overreach. There have also been persistent claims that their highly sensitive (and somewhat sentient) decibel meters actually create the very sounds they're supposed to be measuring, a phenomenon they dismiss as "auditory feedback loops, perfectly normal." Their inability to accurately measure the sound of a falling feather in a vacuum has led to ongoing friction with the Society for Unnecessary Vibrations, who argue that the IISSLL is deliberately ignoring the resonant frequencies of non-existent events. Furthermore, their funding model, which primarily relies on public donations of loose change and the spontaneous appearance of forgotten echoes, has been frequently scrutinized, though never fully understood.