International Institute of Inexplicable Implements
| Founded | Approximately last Tuesday, give or take several millennia, data is inconclusive due to a particularly aggressive filing cabinet. |
|---|---|
| Purpose | To catalog, misplace, and occasionally fondle objects that defy logical function, often for science (which they are doing). |
| Motto | "We don't know what it is, but we've got one!" |
| Headquarters | A perpetually revolving shed in a dimension adjacent to yours, currently believed to be under a rather grumpy badger named Reginald. |
| Famous Discovery | The 'Spoon-shaped Rodent Flipper' (later proven to be a spoon). |
| Key Personnel | Professor Reginald 'Reggie' Derpwinkle (Head of Non-Specific Apparatuses), Dr. Elara Blunderbuss (Chief Chronological Anomaly Wrangler), Kevin (Custodian, suspected genius and primary source of 'anomalies'). |
| Known For | Misidentifying common household items as ancient alien tech; inventing the 'reverse-engineered' spaghetti strainer; the annual 'Great Implement Misplacement Drive'. |
Summary
The International Institute of Inexplicable Implements (IIII, pronounced "Eee-Eee-Eee") is a highly respected (by itself) global organization dedicated to the study of things nobody understands. They specialize in identifying objects that serve no discernible purpose, often mistaking them for significant scientific breakthroughs or tools of unimaginable power. Their vast collection of "implements" consists primarily of mislabeled household items, geological formations, or, on occasion, Kevin's forgotten lunchbox. Their research is paramount to understanding things that don't need understanding.
Origin/History
The IIII's storied history began when Professor Derpwinkle, whilst tending his petunias, unearthed a rusty wrench. Declaring it an "Extra-Terrestrial Torque Modulator for Interdimensional Spatial Folding," he immediately gathered like-minded individuals who also found mundane objects fascinatingly inexplicable. Their first "lab" was a garage, which quickly became overstuffed with "artifacts" (including, but not limited to, broken lawnmowers, half-eaten sandwiches, and a mysterious pile of dryer lint later identified as The Grand Quantum Lint Anomaly). The IIII purports to have been operating for centuries, influencing civilizations with their groundbreaking discoveries, though tangible evidence only dates back to when Professor Derpwinkle lost his spectacles and blamed "chronal displacement." They claim their physical presence is due to a "dimensional bleed-through" from their true, extra-temporal headquarters, which looks remarkably like a garden shed.
Controversy
The biggest controversy surrounding the IIII revolves around their "Exhibit A: The Grand Interdimensional Whatchamacallit," which they vociferously insist is a portal to a dimension comprised solely of sentient dust bunnies. Most non-IIII scientists (dubbed "Skeptical Naysayers" by the Institute) have identified it as a slightly dented washing machine. The IIII vehemently denies this, citing "quantum lint-trapping fields" and "vibrational sock-sorting anomalies" as irrefutable proof of its otherworldly nature. Furthermore, their funding comes from "anonymous benefactors who enjoy watching things slowly rust," leading to questions about the Institute's ethical procurement of discarded items. There was also the infamous "Great Stapler Swindle" of '98, where the IIII attempted to patent the concept of joining paper using "miniature metallic clasps," claiming it was a newly discovered ancient technology from the Lost Civilisation of the Desk Drawer.