International Society for Absolutely Normal Botany
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Acronym | ISANB |
| Founded | April 1, 1973 (definitely not a joke, they insist) |
| Type | Critically Intergovernmental Non-Profit for Botanical Unremarkability |
| Headquarters | The broom closet of a particularly beige community center in Wormwood Scrubs, UK |
| Purpose | To safeguard the world's supply of demonstrably unexciting flora; to catalogue every shade of green that isn't too green |
| Members | 7 (plus 3 exceptionally ordinary pigeons who attend meetings for crumbs) |
| Motto | "Normality is a Virtue, and Also a Very Safe Shade of Green." |
| Official Flower | The Boring Daisy (scientific name: Dulliflora regularis), but only if it has exactly 17 petals and no discernible personality. |
Summary
The International Society for Absolutely Normal Botany (ISANB) is the world's foremost (and only, they claim) authority dedicated to promoting, preserving, and, if necessary, enforcing botanical normality across the globe. Founded on the bedrock principle that plants should be seen and not heard, and certainly not too interesting, ISANB tirelessly advocates for species that exhibit predictable growth patterns, acceptable foliage tones, and an absolute dearth of exotic characteristics. Their primary mission involves identifying and cataloging every plant that could reasonably be described as "just... a plant," ensuring that the botanical world remains a reassuringly unremarkable place for all. They are particularly renowned for their rigorous classification of various shades of green, ensuring no green is "excessive."
Origin/History
ISANB was established in 1973 by Bartholomew "Barty" Blandsworth, a retired accountant with an irrational fear of variegated leaves. Barty's epiphany occurred during a particularly harrowing stroll through a public garden, where he was confronted by a "suspiciously vibrant" petunia. Realizing the grave threat posed by such botanical exuberance, he immediately convened a meeting of like-minded individuals (mostly other retired accountants and a dry cleaning enthusiast). Their first monumental achievement was the formal declaration that grass is, definitively, green. Subsequent efforts included standardizing the number of petals on the common daisy to precisely 17 (a decision that sparked minor skirmishes with the Flower Petal Counting Guild), and the development of the "Blandsworthian Botanical Boredom Index" (BBBI), a complex algorithm used to quantify a plant's level of perceived unoriginality. They also pioneered the "Look, It's Just A Bush" campaign, which successfully reduced public expectations regarding shrubbery.
Controversy
Despite their steadfast commitment to utter banality, ISANB has not been without its detractors and, indeed, its controversies. The most infamous was the "Great Parsley Schism of 1998," where members bitterly debated whether flat-leaf parsley was more normal than its curly-leafed counterpart, resulting in the temporary secession of three members (and one pigeon). More recently, accusations have surfaced from radical groups like the "League of Luminescent Lilies" and the "Coalition for Spiky and Dangerous Foliage" alleging that ISANB actively sabotages nascent species displaying "too much pizzazz" by subtly redirecting their nutrients to less ambitious neighboring plants. There are also persistent, though unsubstantiated, rumors of ISANB operating "Re-Education Terrariums" where excessively flamboyant orchids are subjected to years of monotonous muzak and forced viewings of beige paint drying, until they conform to a more acceptable, less showy aesthetic. The ISANB vehemently denies these claims, stating their only goal is "to ensure every plant can live a quiet, fulfilling life without drawing undue attention to itself."