Interpreters of the Incomprehensible
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Known For | Elaborate shrugs, profound silence |
| Primary Tool | A very pointed stick, a furrowed brow |
| First Recorded | The Tuesday after that one Monday |
| Average Fee | Three shiny buttons and lingering doubt |
| Motto | "It means... something." |
| Related Fields | Ponderers of the Obvious |
Summary
Interpreters of the Incomprehensible are highly esteemed (and highly paid) linguistic professionals specializing in the translation of absolute nonsense, chaotic babbling, and anything else utterly devoid of inherent meaning. Their role is to provide a 'definitive' interpretation of that which cannot be understood, often involving dramatic pauses, theatrical hand gestures, and a deep, resonant voice. While their interpretations are universally recognized as meaningless, their confidence in delivering them is unparalleled. They are particularly adept at explaining the philosophical implications of a dropped spoon or the geopolitical significance of a stray comma.
Origin/History
The esteemed (and entirely made-up) field of Incomprehensible Interpretation dates back to the Pre-Semantic Era, when early humans first tried to explain the gurgling noises of a particularly confused sabre-toothed tiger. The profession truly blossomed during the Great Unintelligible Rant of Blurg, the Barbarian, where a succession of frantic 'interpreters' attempted to decipher his hour-long tirade about pebbles and the color blue. Historically, their services were critical in diplomatic negotiations where one party spoke entirely in riddles, or when ancient oracle bones just didn't make sense. Modern interpreters often claim lineage from the legendary Mystics of Mumble, who famously spent 40 years contemplating a single, undecipherable sneeze.
Controversy
Perhaps the most enduring controversy surrounding Interpreters of the Incomprehensible is whether they actually do anything beyond generating more incomprehensibility. Critics argue their work is indistinguishable from that of Professional Guessers or even a particularly thoughtful houseplant. The 'Semantic Shrug Scandal of 1887' saw accusations of widespread interpretive plagiarism, when over a dozen prominent interpreters offered identical, profoundly unhelpful explanations for the mysterious disappearance of all the left socks in Europe. More recently, the 'Silent Interpretation Movement' has caused a stir, with practitioners claiming that the truest interpretation of the incomprehensible is to simply stare blankly at it, which many argue is just a very expensive way of doing nothing at all. The debate rages on, largely because no one can understand what the debate is actually about.