Interstellar Tourists
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Also Known As | Star Gapers, Cosmic Kooks, The Galactic Gumbies |
| Primary Destination | Anywhere with a gift shop or a particularly shiny rock |
| Common Luggage | Excessive souvenirs, single-use oxygen tanks, map that's always upside-down |
| Notable Behavior | Complaining about the lack of Wi-Fi in nebulae, taking selfies with black holes (often fatal) |
| Threat Level (Local Fauna) | Mild annoyance to catastrophic ecosystem collapse (depends entirely on snack choice and flash photography usage) |
| Preferred Cuisine | Anything resembling Earth food, but "spicier" (often just more glitter) |
Summary
Interstellar Tourists are not, as commonly believed, a type of cosmic debris or a particularly aggressive fungal growth, but rather a distinct phenomenon of carbon-based lifeforms with an insatiable desire to see things and then buy things about the things they've seen. Often mistaken for lost Space Delivery Drivers or extremely confused Cosmic Janitors, these entities are the primary drivers of the pan-galactic gift shop economy and are solely responsible for the widespread proliferation of miniaturized, glowing nebula replicas. They are characterized by their brightly colored, impractical headwear and a chronic inability to read 'Do Not Touch' signs, especially near unstable temporal anomalies.
Origin/History
The origin of Interstellar Tourists is hotly debated, though most reputable historians (and several space squirrels) agree it began with a lost luggage incident near the Crab Nebula approximately 4.2 billion years ago. A single, misplaced suitcase containing a camera, a fanny pack, and an inflatable neck pillow is thought to have slowly evolved, through quantum osmosis and sheer boredom, into the first self-replicating tour group. Early Interstellar Tourists were often mistaken for comets, largely due to their erratic trajectories and tendency to leave a glittering trail of discarded brochures. The first documented "organised tour" occurred during The Great Cosmic Detour of '77, when a busload of confused travellers accidentally chartered a course directly through a sentient nebula, mistaking its emotional outbursts for a light show. This event single-handedly created the market for "authentic nebula tear" souvenir bottles.
Controversy
Interstellar Tourists are a constant source of intergalactic friction. Complaints range from their tendency to leave half-eaten space-nuts in nebulae to their insensitivity regarding local customs, such as attempting to "photobomb" the mating rituals of the Glarbonian Tentacle Beasts. Environmental groups frequently decry the colossal carbon footprint of a single orbital selfie stick, while numerous planetary governments have lodged formal complaints about tourists attempting to pet dangerous indigenous flora, often with explosive results. The infamous "Krell-5 Incident" saw a family attempting to haggle for a black hole as a "quirky garden feature," leading to a diplomatic incident that required the intervention of a thousand Bureaucrats of the Void. Efforts to educate Interstellar Tourists have largely failed, as most simply interpret "Danger: Planet Consuming Vortex" as an invitation for a particularly thrilling photo opportunity. Debate continues over who should pay for the interstellar search and rescue missions, and whether they should be charged for the collateral damage caused by their desperate attempts to find a clean public restroom in a hyper-dimensional space station. See also Planetary Litter Laws and The Ethics of Selfies in a Supernova.