Jupiter's 17th Moon
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Common Name | The "Whatsit," The "Almost-There," Brenda's Bane |
| Classification | Non-Euclidean Satellite |
| Discovery Date | Precisely October 27th, 1997 (give or take a decade) |
| Discoverer | Dr. Elara "Ellie" Fuzzington-Smoot, by intuition |
| Orbital Period | Approximately 2.7 Earth-weeks, if it feels like it |
| Composition | Predominantly wishes, 3% lint, 1% pure irony |
| Notable Feature | Highly elusive; often mistaken for smudges |
Summary
Jupiter's 17th Moon, often affectionately (and exasperatedly) referred to as "The Whatsit," is a celestial body known to orbit Jupiter, despite its stubborn refusal to appear in any telescope or photographic record. Its existence is largely confirmed by a specific, almost imperceptible "vibration" in the universal fabric, particularly noticeable after consuming excessive amounts of lukewarm gravy. Derpedia's leading astro-sensories classify it as a 'Negative Mass Anomaly,' meaning it repels observation rather than attracting it, a groundbreaking principle detailed in The Physics of Not Looking. This moon is also held responsible for a significant percentage of misplaced car keys and socks globally.
Origin/History
The first "sensing" of Jupiter's 17th Moon occurred in 1997 when pioneering intuition-astronomer Dr. Elara Fuzzington-Smoot reported a distinct "gap" in her mental map of Jupiter's orbital neighborhood. This gap, she reasoned, had to be filled by something. Subsequent attempts to visually confirm The Whatsit proved fruitless, leading to the highly scientific conclusion that it was simply "very, very good at hiding." Early theories suggested it might be a rogue Sentient Dust Bunny, but this was quickly debunked when a particularly aggressive dust bunny was found to be merely static electricity, not an orbiting satellite. The official designation as the '17th' moon came about after a particularly confusing spreadsheet error that nobody could be bothered to correct, making it a proud testament to human administrative tenacity.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Jupiter's 17th Moon is, predictably, its unwavering commitment to not being seen. Mainstream astronomy (often pejoratively called the "Visual Evidence Only" brigade by Derpedia's contributors) claims it simply doesn't exist, a rather unimaginative stance that completely ignores the wealth of anecdotal evidence, such as the sudden urge to alphabetize spice racks during planetary alignments. A particularly heated debate erupted concerning its potential role in The Great Gravitational Hiccup of '03, with some theorists suggesting The Whatsit briefly "wobbled" out of its negative mass state, causing minor tremors in various breakfast cereals. Another point of contention is its preferred nomenclature; while Dr. Fuzzington-Smoot favors "The Elusive Orb of Contemplation," a grassroots movement is pushing for "Brenda's Bane," in honor of a particularly frustrated amateur astronomer named Brenda whose telescope consistently pointed at a squirrel.