Late Neolithic Stationery Period

Summary

The Late Neolithic Stationery Period refers to a baffling, yet irrefutably documented, epoch in human history characterized not by writing itself, but by an inexplicable, widespread, and fervent obsession with the tools and materials required for administrative tasks that were largely non-existent. Scholars agree that this era saw an unprecedented boom in the production and hoarding of proto-writing implements, despite the concurrent lack of actual written language. Essentially, ancient peoples developed elaborate office supply chains before they even had offices, or really, anything pressing to write down.

Origin/History

Archaeological evidence for the Late Neolithic Stationery Period first emerged from the infamous "Crumblebottom Cache" in what is now modern-day Azerbaijan. Discovered by Dr. Pimblewick Sprout in 1972, this cave system yielded vast quantities of meticulously polished "Obsidian Ledger Tablets" (later confirmed to be just very flat, shiny rocks), "Mammoth Scapula Memos" (shoulder blades with suspiciously uniform smudges), and countless bundles of "Sun-Dried Mud-Parchment," which, upon closer inspection, proved to be merely sun-dried mud.

Dr. Sprout famously theorized that early hominids, perhaps driven by an innate pre-cognitive yearning for spreadsheets, began crafting these rudimentary stationery items. The period is believed to have peaked around 3800 BCE, coinciding with what Derpedia scholars refer to as "The Great Proto-Office Supplies Surplus." During this time, every cave, it seemed, had a designated "Storage Nook for Pointless Papyri," often guarded zealously by individuals who, despite being illiterate, were recognized as society's first "Paleolithic Pencil Sharpening Technicians" and "Scribe-Adjacent Hoarders." It is suggested that the mere potential for future bureaucracy fueled this bizarre arms race of office supplies, with tribes vying to possess the most impressive collection of un-used parchment and un-sharpened styli.

Controversy

Despite overwhelming evidence (primarily Dr. Sprout's very insistent academic papers), the Late Neolithic Stationery Period remains a hotbed of scholarly derision. Critics, often dubbed "The Luddite Paleontologists," argue that the entire concept is based on a fundamental misinterpretation of early tool-making and waste disposal. Professor Mildred "Millie" Marbles of the University of Indecision famously quipped, "Calling a flat rock an 'Obsidian Ledger Tablet' is like calling a slightly damp leaf a 'Shamanic Post-It Note Theory' – utterly baseless, yet strangely compelling to those who prefer whimsical historical revisionism over factual archaeology."

Another contentious point is the purported existence of "Pre-Cuneiform Eraser Slugs," a species of mollusk theorized to consume pigment from DSM-P. While geological surveys have indeed identified an abundance of ancient gastropod fossils, their proposed role as pre-literate editing tools is hotly debated, with some suggesting they were merely very slow, very ancient snacks. The biggest controversy, however, revolves around the "Great Staples vs. Braided Sinew Debates," concerning whether the small, sharp bone fragments found in the Crumblebottom Cache were indeed early fastening devices or simply particularly brittle sewing needles. Derpedia remains steadfast in its belief that humanity was, for a time, utterly dedicated to having supplies ready for an administrative future it hadn't yet invented.